BetteBack: What The Stars Say – Floods, Sex And Bette Midler

What The Stars Say: Floods, Sex And Bette Midler
June 23, 1997

Nobody knows what tomorrow may bring. But that doesn’t mean no one claims to. Seers and soothsayers are polishing their crystal balls, ginning up their star charts and tuning in the vibes of the next millennium. Psychics may not have Ph.D.s–or even a firm grasp on reality–but when it comes to predicting the future, they’re probably right as often as anybody else.

What’s the weather going to be like on New Year’s Eve 1997 Good luck prying an answer out of the National Weather Service. California psychic Mary Crane, however, is glad to oblige. She’s had a dream. “That entire year and the next will be unusually hot over the entire globe.” that will be fitting, she says, as sun worship will be all the rage, and a woman claiming to be a goddess will attract a large following. Kind of like Jenny McCarthy.

But forget the sun for a moment. What about the stars? New York radio astrologer Shelley Ackerman has computed a star chart for New York City on Dec. 31, 1999–and it doesn’t look good. Ackerman says that Libra will be rising, the moon will be in Scorpio and the sun in Capricorn, producing a somber, contemplative mood. Even as people toot their horns for the new year, she says, they’ll be “very concerned about the economy.” She adds that Sagittarius, which represents the media, and Venus, which connotes love, will be the ruling signs on Millennium Eve. This sounds like good news for lonely reporters. Reno-based astrologist Lynne Palmer sees “a lot of unexpected things” for Jan. 1, 2000. “In America the day will start in Libra, which is a social thing,” she says. “By 5 p.m. Eastern standard time, it will be in Scorpio. That means sex.” Palmer predicts that between Jan. 29, 1998, and Feb. 4, 2012, the world will see new discoveries in oil, oceanography and film. On Jan. 26, 2008, some sort of mass regimentation will begin; we’ll all end up wearing uniforms, she says. Maybe we’ll be working for McDonald’s.

If any Golden Arches are still standing, that is. Gordon-Michael Scallion, hailed by some as a latter-day Nostradamus, takes credit for predicting Hurricane Andrew and the Mississippi floods. He foresees further mayhem. Between 1998 and 2012, quakes, floods and ferocious windstorms will plague the globe, he predicts. Scallion’s insights come to him in dreams, he says, meaning that “there are a lot of earth scientists out there who do not believe anything I say.” Actually, few would argue with Scallion’s contention that quakes, floods and storms will continue to occur–they always have. But some of the seer’s other ideas are a little less conventional. Scallion says children born in 1998 and beyond will have unusual intuitive abilities. By the age of 2, many will have mastered multiple languages. By 3 or 4, they’ll be aware of their most recent past life. They will also have small lungs, cat-like eyes and bluish skin.

But it ain’t necessarily so. Michael Lutin, astrologer for Vanity Fair and other magazines, says we should all just relax. “People think that when they go to bed on Dec. 31, 1999, and wake up the next day, they’re going to be in silver mylar on hoverboards,” he says. “But it’ll be just like the day before.” Lutin may be an astrologer, but he’s not one to get carried away by the cosmos. He believes, for example, that England’s revered Stonehenge was actually an ancient Druid shopping mall. But that’s not to say he’s above a prediction or two. Sometime in the next century, Lutin anticipates discoveries about human origins will shatter prevailing theories about the universe’s creation and play havoc with traditional religion. And if that’s not fantastic enough for you, consider his other big prophecy: in the coming millennium, the most powerful person in Hollywood wil be Bette Midler.

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