Madison Wisconsin State Journal
December 28, 1987
Words of wit are much more entertaining thanÂ words of wisdom. We’ll leave the wisdom for anotherÂ day. Here’s a choice selection from “HammerÂ and Tongues: The Best of Women’s Wit andÂ Humor” (St. Martin’s Press, $14.95) by MicheleÂ Brown and Ann O’Connor.
Mrs. Alfred Kinsey: I don’t see much of AlfredÂ any more since he got interested in sex.
Bette Midler on Princess Anne: Such an activeÂ lass. So outdoorsy. She loves nature in spite ofÂ what it did to her.
Madeline Talmadge Astor on being helpedÂ over the rail of the Titanic: 1 rang for ice, but thisÂ is ridiculous.
Dorothy Parker on the man she was divorcing: Â Oh, don’t worry about Alan. . . . Alan will always land on somebody’s feet.
Mae West: I feel like a million tonight â€” butÂ one at a time.
Mrs. Woodrow Wilson: When Woodrow proposedÂ to me I was so surprised I nearly fell out ofÂ bed.
Joan Rivers: Princess l)i wears more clothesÂ in one day than Gandhi wore in his entire life.
Fran Lcbowitz: Radio news is bearable. This isÂ due to the fact that while the news is being broadcastÂ the disc jockey is not allowed to talk.
Bette Davis: Would I consider remarriage? IfÂ I found a man who had $15 million, would sign halfÂ of it to me before marriage and guaranteed he’dÂ be dead within a year.
Jayne Mansfield: I got married and we had aÂ baby nine months and 10 seconds later.
Jane Russell: Sometimes the photographersÂ would pose me in a low-necked nightgown and tellÂ me to bend down and pick up the pails. They wereÂ not shooting the pails.
Brooke Shields: What does “good in bed”Â mean? When I’m sick and slay home from schoolÂ propped up with lots of pillows watching TV andÂ my mom brings me soup â€” that’s good in bed.
Princess (Grace on an enormous emerald andÂ ruby ring she always wore: I like to know which isÂ my starboard and port side.
Hermionc Gingold: I’ve discovered that what,Â we in England call drafts you in America callÂ cross-ventilation.
Barbra Streisand on the furor over casting herÂ with Egyptian-born Omar Sharif in “Funny Girl”Â during the Six Day War: You think Cairo wasÂ upset â€” you should have seen the letter I got fromÂ my Aunt Rose.
Elizabeth Taylor on rumors she would be posingÂ for Playboy: Oh, sure â€” and next month I’mÂ dressing up as a sea bass for the front cover ofÂ Field and Stream.
Excerpted by RickÂ Daily News.Â Selvin, Philadelphia