BetteBack December 28, 1987: Wisdom can wait, but here’s some wit

Madison Wisconsin State Journal
December 28, 1987


Words of wit are much more entertaining than words of wisdom. We’ll leave the wisdom for another day. Here’s a choice selection from “Hammer and Tongues: The Best of Women’s Wit and Humor” (St. Martin’s Press, $14.95) by Michele Brown and Ann O’Connor.

Mrs. Alfred Kinsey: I don’t see much of Alfred any more since he got interested in sex.

Bette Midler on Princess Anne: Such an active lass. So outdoorsy. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.
Madeline Talmadge Astor on being helped over the rail of the Titanic: 1 rang for ice, but this is ridiculous.

Dorothy Parker on the man she was divorcing:  Oh, don’t worry about Alan. . . . Alan will always land on somebody’s feet.

Mae West: I feel like a million tonight – but one at a time.
Mrs. Woodrow Wilson: When Woodrow proposed to me I was so surprised I nearly fell out of bed.
Joan Rivers: Princess l)i wears more clothes in one day than Gandhi wore in his entire life.
Fran Lcbowitz: Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed to talk.
Bette Davis: Would I consider remarriage? If I found a man who had $15 million, would sign half of it to me before marriage and guaranteed he’d be dead within a year.
Jayne Mansfield: I got married and we had a baby nine months and 10 seconds later.
Jane Russell: Sometimes the photographers would pose me in a low-necked nightgown and tell me to bend down and pick up the pails. They were not shooting the pails.
Brooke Shields: What does “good in bed” mean? When I’m sick and slay home from school propped up with lots of pillows watching TV and my mom brings me soup – that’s good in bed.
Princess (Grace on an enormous emerald and ruby ring she always wore: I like to know which is my starboard and port side.
Hermionc Gingold: I’ve discovered that what, we in England call drafts you in America call cross-ventilation.
Barbra Streisand on the furor over casting her with Egyptian-born Omar Sharif in “Funny Girl” during the Six Day War: You think Cairo was upset – you should have seen the letter I got from my Aunt Rose.
Elizabeth Taylor on rumors she would be posing for Playboy: Oh, sure – and next month I’m dressing up as a sea bass for the front cover of Field and Stream.
Excerpted by Rick Daily News. Selvin, Philadelphia

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