BetteBack February 4, 1998: Casting The President Bill Clinton Scandal

The News Sun
February 4, 1998


When last we glanced at the continuing soap opera, White House(UNITAL), things looked pretty grim for Battlin’ Bill Clinton and his faithful companion, Hillary. Yet, in less than two weeks since the sex-with-the-intern scandal broke, the president makes a stirring State of the Union address, his ratings are nearly the highest in history, he offers a balanced budget, sort of, and the Dow Jones once again is past the 8,000 mark.

In addition, the American people are siding with Bad Boy Bill Clinton against the Starr Chamber being conducted by the independent prosecutor, Kenneth the Terrible, and the messengers of this allegedly sordid affair, the news media.

At one time, Inside-the-Beltway pundits were predicting instant impeachment proceedings, talking about the new administration of President Gore and a tidal wave of Republican victories in the mid-term congressional elections. They now are stammering about the political staying power of President Clinton and how he is the greatest politician they’ve ever seen.

Regular readers will recall I predicted this latest Clinton escape clause.

One doesn’t want to engage in braggadocio, but I also predicted the Denver Broncos over the Green Bay Packers and also made a tidy sum in the process. (I should note for the record — you never know which special prosecutor is around — this bet was made with a legitimate Las Vegas sports book and will show up on my income tax as earned income, but will be balanced by all those losing wagers I expect to toss good money after bad this year.)

So, where do we go from here? Is this just a chapter in President Clinton’s memoirs or a complete volume, similar to President Nixon’s Six Crises? Has Monicagate evaporated the way of previous allegations made by right-wing conservatives against the president?

It would appear so, which means it’s time for the film version.

Forget Wag the Dog and Primary Colors, art is going to be imitating life this time around.

I’m already laboring on a treatment (that’s what Hollywood folks define as an outline, according to my agent/attorney) with a working title of Moral Fabric.

I’m also recommending producers snare the following actors and actresses for leading roles: Darryl Hammond of Saturday Night Live as President Clinton; Michelle Pfeiffer as Hillary Rodham Clinton; Sandra Bullock as Monica Lewinsky; Sharon Stone as Linda Tripp; Samuel L. Jackson as Vernon Jordan; Bette Midler as Paula Jones; Michael Douglas as Kenneth Starr; Oprah Winfrey as Waukegan‘s own Betty Currie.

Of course, the media heavyweights will be asked to play themselves for their usually $10,000 to $25,000 fees they charge corporations as guest speakers.

Congressmen and senators will be asked if they would like to appear in cameo roles as themselves.

I smell blockbuster here, especially with the president’s popularity holding steady in nearly every poll.

Whaddaya think?

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