The divine Ms. Midler heads back to the edge
By Joan Anderman, Globe Staff, 1/21/2004

There were carousel ponies and penis jokes, schlocky ballads and shout-outs to the Jews of Brookline. Judge Judy made a videotaped cameo. Mermaids belted Broadway tunes from motorized wheelchairs. And I defy anyone to name an entertainer who could pull off such a sublimely ridiculous assortment of amusements besides Bette Midler.

At 58, the Divine Miss M won hearts not by plying her trade after all these decades -- as Midler herself pointed out, her artistic legacy has been to open the door for mediocre singers with bad taste. But an absurd sense of humor trumps good pitch every time, and Midler's divine gift is her fabulous grasp of silliness and solid showmanship.

A great singer she's not. But Midler's songs were mere accessories to her wisecracks. The song from "Beaches" was small price to pay for the sight of Midler furiously pedalling about the stage in a large white swan while tacky images of Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie flashed inside a cracked valentine, and the Harlettes squealed "The Chapel of Love." That's not to say there weren't some affecting musical moments: a duet with Mr. Rogers (video-enhanced along the lines of Natalie Cole and her dad) on the neighborhood favorite "I Like To Be Told" made for a rare gentle moment. She dusted off the chart-topping tear-jerkers "From a Distance," "The Rose," and "Wind Beneath My Wings." And Midler's cover of Tom Waits's lovely "Shiver Me Timbers" -- sung barefoot and alone -- seemed to inspire a genuine wistfulness in the singer, who only moments earlier had been nominating generic names for Viagra.

That Midler has the sheer range of personality to orchestrate such a display of borderline humor and suspect sentimentality is frankly a wonder. It's a bit like hearing a joke that's so bad its good, or a song sung so affectionately the middling melody becomes peripheral to the singer's good intentions. Take "Fish Tales," the show's centerpiece. The band was shrill. Midler and her trio, flopping about in their skin-tight mermaid costumes, blurted snippets from a dozen musicals -- including a Busby Berkeley-style show-stopper called "All That Shad." In black bowlers. And tails.

Refined its not. But joyful and heartfelt and lip-synch-free go a long way these days.

Stan, Bona Fide BetteHead

My Kiss My Brass Tour story started in Philadelphia, January 15, 2004 at the Wachovia Center. My partner, Jim and I had really anticipated the show and had been having difficulties in our lives and 5 year relationship, so we were really looking forward to “Another foul evening with the Divine Miss M”, to unwind and have a kick ass good time.

We were not disappointed; Bette was absolutely stunning and phenomenal. I’ll get into the blow by blow of the show further in my second show recollection. Just some general recollections that were specific to Philly were that the seats that we had were to stage right (left side of the arena) just on the rise so there was a good bird’s eye view. Jim and I both commented on the heart in the middle at the top of the set that said “Break it not”, that it was cute and odd. This show premiered “Hey There”, and included “That’s how Heartaches are made”

Two days later, on Saturday, January 17 Jim and I broke up. It is the first time in my life that I had truly suffered from a broken heart and did not take it well. Needless to say, by Tuesday, January 20th I was a sobbing, disgusting mess. I woke at 8:30 am after crying my heart out till around 3 am. My first coherent sight was of the Kiss My Brass mug on the table and immediately thought, “Bette’s gotta be playing somewhere on this coast!” and immediately ran to my computer and went to www.bootlegbetty.com and saw that Bette was indeed going to be in Boston that night. 5 and a half hours from Philly. I could feasibly do this. Got on the phone with Ticket Master and they tried to give me the hard sell. I screamed that I knew that there were $40 seats and immediately lost it and sobbed into the phone that I was suffering from a broken heart and needed to see Bette. The Ticket Master Lady put me on hold and came back on and asked me if I could afford $89.00. I said sure and she gave me a confirmation number and told me to go to the Will Call window at the Fleet Center in Boston (Like the enema?)

Long story, shorter. I grabbed directions, Bette CD’s, coffee and Kleenex and headed off to Boston. Was a frigging mess, but cheered up and was singing and laughing with Bette by the time I hit Hartford, CT.

When I got to the will call window they handed me my ticket in an envelope and I opened it to find a ticket for the 1st row seat 4. I almost lost it on the spot! Went to my seat in utter amazement and anticipated the show. Found out people next to me had just gotten tickets that day as well. The view from the front row was amazing. I then truly comprehended what Bette had been saying about it being the biggest show she has ever done.

When that horse appeared above the stage everyone was on their feet cheering wildly. By the time she hit the stage the hall was just a deafening roar. Just watching her saunter and stomp across that stage singing and dancing to Kiss My Brass, Big Noise and Stuff Like That There was exhausting and thrilling up so close. You know how she really works the front row. It was amazing to be on the direct receiving end of it. I was truly light headed by this time. I’ve been a Bette Head for so long that my first cat was named Vicky Eydie. I was experiencing a true Divine Miss M Intervention and enjoying every moment of it. I hung ont o every note of Skylark and smiled right through the tears. Bette bounced us right out of that with the song that started it all, Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy and everyone was up dancing. I had the pleasure of dancing with a handicapped girl who REALLY knew Bette’s music and really inspired me to just give myself up totally to the Bette experience. We had a blast! Judge Judy, Sorry and Nobody Else but Jews were great fun having it sung directly to you by the Divine one. Friends absolutely made me cry from sheer joy. Hey There was incredible and had a completely new meaning to me that night than it had in Philly the week before. Glad she skipped That’s How Heartaches are Ma de and felt she did it on my personal behalf. Chapel of Love really brought me out of it and got me laughing at the absurdity of love. I Think It’s Gonna Rain Today really made me think of the Ticket Master Lady with the, “Human kindness is over flowing” line and I started crying again. When a Man Loves a Woman held me absolutely spell bound and made me see how “un-perfect” my relationship really was. Enough crying, because out came the Harlettes and Soph. It was really great to see Soph as more of a “character” this time out. Loved the whole segment! Bette really has a knack for gauging the crowd for which jokes they’ll know. In Philly it was, “Ain’t You got a vase.” And in Boston I think it was “No tits and a tight box.” Anyway, Shiver Me Timbers has always been one of my favorite songs and will now always have the image of Bette singing it in her stocking feet on a carousel horse.

Half time. Boston’s a strange town. Enough said

Delores never disappoints and was riveting to see so close. Bette really does a strenuous work out during that part. No one really comments on her, I’m Telling You I Ain’t Going number, but it is really phenomenal. Did have the thought how easy it really would have been to revive Vicky Eydie with the same material, just have her at an all you can eat seafood buffet. Anyway, Mr Rogers and I Like To Be Told were cute. September was beautiful as was From a Distance and Wind Beneath My Wings. Loved that she brought out Keep On Rockin for this tour. She sure does keep on rocking! The Rose really gave me hope for the future and Friends was a great way to send us on our way. I had the thrilling moment of touching Bette’s hand and having her really look me in the eye! I thought I would die!!

Had another brief Divine Miss M Intervention a few days later when I was feeling sorry for myself and drinking myself into oblivion. I was channel surfing and the First Wives Club was on and the line, “Just how drunk do you think Cynthia was when she…” came on and made me see how pathetic I was being and everything has gotten progressively better since then.