American Airlines Center
January 29, 2004
By
Mark Lowry DALLAS - In one of Bette Midler's
quips early in her Kiss My Brass tour, which stopped at True, and so does her show. That's the wonder of a Midler performance. One minute she's a comedian making jokes about Rush Limbaugh's drug addiction and how George W. Bush might win the 2004 election the old-fashioned way (with votes). The next minute she's a nightclub chanteuse belting out Skylark. Then she's a crass act joking about generic Viagra and naked men on the beach, next a sideshow fish woman doing show tunes such as All That Jazz and Everything's Coming Up Roses. But no matter what she's doing, she pulls it off flawlessly and with more energy, showmanship and charisma in one of her curly locks than many singers manage in an entire career. She had to make a grand entrance, atop a carousel horse that flew from behind the stage. In her two-hour-plus set, she fit in such Divine Miss M classics as Wind Beneath My Wings and The Rose, plus a number of pop standards from the Andrew Sisters, Rosemary Clooney and others. And, of course, she had to comment that at 58, she has no plans to retire and she still looks pretty darned good. "I look fantastic, don't I?" she crowed, receiving enthusiastic applause from an audience that included many gay men and middle-aged women, who looked fabulous as well. (In one of the funniest bits, she chastised Christina Aguilera and other scantily clad pop tarts -- not for being tasteless, but for not thanking her for doing it first and paving the way for them.) The only questionable part of the evening was a costume-change video segment featuring Judge Judy presiding over a case between Bette and CBS, dealing with the short-lived TV travesty that was Bette. It was humorous, but not nearly as funny as her live material. Still, she can laugh at herself. That's just one more thing that sets Bette Midler apart. By TOM SIME
Her fans wouldn't let her even if she tried. Ms. Midler spent her Thursday evening wrapped in adoration as tight as her fetching sailor pants for the Dallas stop of her "Kiss My Brass" tour. The show has a vintage Coney Island theme, and Miss M made her entrance on a flying carousel horse. "This is the biggest show I've ever done," she said. "I'm just tryin' not to get killed up here." We had to leave before the end, but Bette no doubt survived. It was indeed an elaborate affair, even by Ms. Midler's glitzy standards. She shared the Boardwalk-style stage with three new Harlettes – recently replaced, she told us, for "I, and only I, am ageless" – and a big brass band that gave a plush, old-school feel to the tunes from her superb new Rosemary Clooney tribute album. But they could also rock, as they did for Ms. Midler's heroic rendition of "When a Man Loves a Woman." Ms. Midler had done her homework and tailored her gags to her guests in "the third-fattest city in America." She even sent greetings to the people from Mesquite in the distant balconies: "Show me your mullets!" Dipping into her deep catalog of songs and shtick, Ms. Midler seized on nuggets like "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and "Big Noise From Winnetka." Other delicious tunes included "Stuff Like That There," "Skylark" and a couple of stirring Tom Waits songs. She revived familiar comic bits such as her mermaid character, Delores Del Lago, and Soph the Spinster ("I'll never forget it, you know..."). And the dirty-old-lady act underscored the fact that at 58, Bette looks great. Svelte and beaming, her blond curls bouncing, her voice in great shape, she scurried about the stage like a Britney with brains. And by the way, those teen-pop tarts owe her, Bette said, taking credit as the first star to "dress like a ho" onstage. But some clips from the '70s – that "grisly decade" – showed her in demure slacks and platforms, backing herself up on "Bugle Boy." Another video featured Bette in Judge Judy's court, battling CBS over her failed sitcom. Ms. Midler, ever the sport, let herself lose that case. She can chalk it up as one more hard knock that made her the knockout she is today. Mark S., Longtime
BetteHead Bette made her entrance on “Seabiscuit” to the delight of the arena. From the moment she made her entrance she had the audience in her hand. The first set included “Kiss My Brass” and “Big Noise.” Sitting so close to the stage I was afraid that was what this evening was going to be – just a bunch of noise. But a sound tech made the proper adjustments and the rest of the evening turned out fine. The crowd was really into the show and gave a lot of positive energy during the jokes, songs and stories. Sitting in front of me were eight middle-aged women all wearing feather boas. And a guy sitting behind me was dressed like “Bathhouse Betty.” Bette pointed them out during the first few minutes of the show. Bette did make a few changes to Act I. Gone were “Come On A My House,” “Tenderly,” “That's How Heartaches are Made,” and “The Perfect Kiss.” What Bette did leave in were songs I had always wanted to hear Bette sing live. Bette told a great story about two red-tailed hawks that live in Central Park before she performed “Skylark.” And the amusement park song of all time, “Under the Boardwalk” was left out. Bette seemed to be rushed through “Soph.” One of my favorite parts of the “Soph” segment was how Bette allowed the audience to shout out their favorite Soph joke. But that was lacking here because of the rapid fire of each joke. And Soph looked really tired. Did anyone else notice that?? Bette was shuffling around the stage all hunched over like an old lady. That was definitely not the Soph of years past. The “Judge Judy” segment was not what I expected either. I felt it was a good concept but could have been executed better. Maybe it was the editing; it seemed very choppy. I thought if Bette wanted to summarize the low of her sitcom she could have introduced the segment by saying while my sitcom was cancelled in the US, it’s a big hit in (name of a 3rd world country.) A montage of the show could be shown translated into a foreign language with subtitles that were completely different from what was really being said. Think of the “Jinxed” film shown during “De Tour.” But these two segments could
not put the slightest damper on the show. Bette looked and sounded
incredible. I thought this show was much more cohesive than the
previous two I had seen. The material just flowed so much better.
One song lead into the other perfectly. One unscripted incident happened during a very poignant spot in the show. Bette was going into “From A Distance” and really putting her heart and soul into that song. She was standing at the front of the stage. Standing on the floor of the arena directly in front of her was one of those pesky cameramen who were around the stage filming for the large overhead screens. The cameramen was standing facing the audience holding the camera on his shoulder looking like he was bored out of his mind. All Bette could see was the top of his head and most probably the first few rows focusing on him instead of her; he was a bit distracting. Bette took the mic out of the mic stand, walked to the edge of the stage, batted the guy on the back of his head with her free hand and shooed him to the end of the stage!! Score One for the Diva!! |
the
American Airlines Center on Thursday night, she said, "My story
has more twists and turns than Winona Ryder at the mall."
No
one present at American Airlines Center would have dreamed or dared
to ask, but Bette Midler answered the question anyway. "I'm
not retiring, and you can't make me!" she vowed.