Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Thursday, December 20, 2018

The Divine Miss M has a suggestion for us…

The Democratic Underground
The Divine Miss M has a suggestion for us
December 20, 2018

Bette Midler call Donald Trump

Bette Midler?@BetteMidler

Trump’s 2020 campaign has set up a hotline, asking people to call in and thank Trump for being the greatest president in history. The number is 1-800-684-3043, if you want to call and tell him EXACTLY how grateful you are!

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Thursday, September 13, 2018

Bette Midler Taunts Donald Trump For Claiming Democrats Will Turn Violent After Midterms

HuffPost
Bette Midler Taunts Donald Trump For Claiming Democrats Will Turn Violent After Midterms
By Lee Moran
08/31/2018 06:06 am ET

Bette Midler zinged President Donald Trump on Thursday after he warned of “violence” should Democrats wrestle control of the House of Representatives from the GOP in the upcoming November midterm elections.

Earlier this week, Trump reportedly told evangelical Christian leaders that Democrats would “overturn everything that we’ve done, and they’ll do it quickly and violently, and violently. There’s violence. When you look at antifa and you look at some of these groups — these are violent people.” Read More

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Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Bette Midler Hits The Top 10 Of Top Ten Celebrities On Social Media

Hollywood Reporter
Terry Crews Hits No. 1 on Top Actors Social Media Ranking After Senate Speech
9:50 AM 7/7/2018
by Kevin Rutherford

Bette Midler

After speaking in front of the U.S. Senate condemning sexual assault, Terry Crews launches to No. 1 on The Hollywood Reporter’s Top Actors chart dated July 11.

The Top Actors chart is a ranking of the most popular actors on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube and Google Plus, with global data provided by social media analytics company MVPindex. The chart’s methodology blends social engagement on the platforms along with weekly additions of followers/subscribers. The latest tracking week ended July 3.

Crews, who had only spent one other week on the chart previously (May 23, debuting at No. 15 following the renewal of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, on which he co-stars), re-enters the chart at No. 1, leads Zendaya, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Will Smith and Alyssa Milano in the top five.

Meanwhile, Crews isn’t the only actor to reach the top 10 for the first time, with Bette Midler and Ice Cube ranking at Nos. 6 and 9, respectively.

See the top 10 below (and for the full 25-position list, check out the THR issue dated July 11), and for more charts on The Hollywood Reporter, check out the Top Comedians and Top TV Personalities charts.

10. Jim Carrey

Christopher Polk/Getty Images

Last week: 6

9. Ice Cube

Scott Dudelson/Getty

Last week: –

The rapper/actor born O’Shea Jackson makes his THR chart debut (alongside, of course, his seven top 10s as a solo artist on the Billboard 200 albums chart) by snagging 150,000 Facebook post likes and 119,000 shares on the service, both up from insignificant amounts the previous week. His top-performing post celebrated LeBron James’ move to the Los Angeles Lakers for the 2018-2019 NBA season.

8. Ricky Gervais

Gary Gershoff/WireImage

Last week: 1

7. Tommy Chong

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

Last week: 5

6. Bette Midler

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Last week: 13

After reaching a new chart high (No. 13) on the previous July 4-dated ranking, rises to No. 6 thanks to boosts in all Twitter metrics, including 505,000 Twitter mentions, up 33 percent. The actor/singer’s most-shared posts tended to be about President Donald Trump in some capacity, including a June 28 tweet in which she wrote, “Trump and Putin are meeting in Finland next month. That’s a long way to travel for a blowjob, but hey – Putin’s got the money.”

5. Alyssa Milano

Gabriel Olsen/WireImage

Last week: 8

4. Will Smith

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Last week: 16

3. Lin-Manuel Miranda

Taylor Hill/FilmMagic

Last week: 3

2. Zendaya

Karwai Tang/WireImage

Last week: 19

1. Terry Crews

Leon Bennett/Getty

Last week: –

Crews, who spoke in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on June 28 about sexual assault (of which he was a victim by a TV executive), tweeted multiple messages of thanks afterward to Joe Biden, Gabrielle Union and more. In all, Crews received 2.2 million Twitter likes and 536,000 retweets.

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Sunday, July 1, 2018

Bette Midler accused of homophobia after Trump and Putin joke. Was It? Was It Not? Who Cares? Who Doesn’t?

Mister D: No. I don’t think it was homophobic, but is it crossing the line as being crass? That’s what every individual will have to decide. Now during the height of that fake Russian scandal, gays and straights of every PFlag member were making memes of Putin and Trump in a sordid affair with one another. I think. Finally, some upper echelon gays started thinking, uh-oh, we’re practicing what we continuously preach against, and it slowed down, but kind of never went away because of who the subject was. I mean what better way to get back at him by making him in a gay relationship. I don’t think it’s homophobic, but I do think it’s being used against a man who is supposed as repulsed by gays as Hillary Clinton is. Bette wasn’t making fun of the homo crowd; she was trying to get a laugh out of making Trump uncomfortable. But I’m so secure in myself as a gay man, that I don’t give a shit about any gay jokes that are told. I’m not weak enough to feel like a victim, and I can laugh it off. I believe in the Joan Rivers, George Carlin philosophy. Everything is joke worthy. Not all do. C’est la vie. We don’t need to make a parade out of everything we don’t like. Get over it. Acts of censorship are one more reason why Trump was elected. People are tired of walking on eggshells. Besides, I’ve been around gay people, and they are some of the most judgemental people I’ve ever seen. They make fun of everybody. And it’s funny! So chill out. Know who your real enemies are.

Gay Star News
Bette Midler accused of homophobia after Trump and Putin joke
Do you think this joke was homophobic?
30 June 2018
Joe Morgan

Bette Midler accused of homophobia after Trump and Putin joke

Bette Midler is being accused of homophobia.

The long-time ally and Divine Miss M posted the tweet yesterday about US President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

‘Trump and Putin are meeting in Finland next month,’ she wrote.

‘That’s a long way to travel for a blowjob, but hey — Putin’s got the money.’

Predictably, this caused a wave of hatred against her from Trump fans.

However, many people also questioned her use of homophobic rhetoric.

When two people opposed to gay rights are made out to be gay themselves, it brings the onus back onto the LGBTI community.

Making a joke at the expense of gay sex also suggests you see it as something outrageous or deviant. Others say if you use gay sex as a tool to insult another, it suggests the person doesn’t think of queer people as equal.

Twitter responded:

‘Homophobic insults are OK? Hypocrisy and bigotry. So we know how you really feel,’ one said.

‘I detest Trump, but this is unfunny and homophobic,’ another said.

‘Shame on you for using your platform to enable hatred and bigotry for nothing but scoring a few cheap political points.

This is not a useful way to fight fascism.’

Another said: ‘It’s not OK to be homophobic or transphobic just because the target is a really bad person who does a lot of harm to the LGBT population.’

Even homophobes pointed out that it could have been seen as homophobic.

Others defended Midler, suggesting it was not homophobic at all.

Bette Midler has previously apologized for tweeting transphobia

In 2016, Midler apologized after a transphobic tweet about Caitlyn Jenner.

She posted: ‘Now that I Am Cait has been cancelled, will she go back to being Bruce? Will Kris take him back? Do I smell a re-wedding?!’

After outrage, she deleted the tweet.

She claimed it was ‘an idle musing’.

‘I seem to have misread the temper of the times,’ the singer said.

Midler became recognized as a gay icon in the 1970s. She got her start in gay bathhouses, where she became close to gay piano accompanist Barry Manilow.

‘Despite the way things turned out [with the AIDS crisis], I’m still proud of those days [singing at gay bathhouses],’ she said in 1998.

‘I feel like I was at the forefront of the gay liberation movement, and I hope I did my part to help it move forward. So, I kind of wear the label of “Bathhouse Betty” with pride.’

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Friday, June 15, 2018

Bette Midler Wants Donald Trump to “Open His Eyes for Once”

Vanity Fair
Bette Midler Wants Donald Trump to “Open His Eyes for Once”
by PAUL CHI
JUNE 13, 2018 6:35 PM

Just a few days after Donald Trump skipped a G7 session on the environment, one of his former Twitter targets was out in New York to advocate for it. Bette Midler, whose nonprofit, New York Restoration Project, cleans up parks and gardens throughout New York City, hosted the organization’s 17th annual Spring Picnic gala at Harlem’s Rodale Pleasant Park Community Garden on Tuesday. And maybe it’s the early summer weather, or her imminent return to Broadway as the fearlessly optimistic star of Hello, Dolly!, but Midler was in a more conciliatory mood than Trump usually is.

“Holy cow, I could go off. I’m saying nice things tonight, so I’m biting my tongue,” Midler said when asked what she would say to Trump to persuade him on the environment. “I will say: no administration lasts forever. That’s the only positive thing about all of this.”

Midler’s and Trump’s Twitter sparring goes back to 2012, when he devoted no fewer than five tweets to personally insulting her. Midler continues to keep up her end of the conversation, including this June 7 tweet:

Bette Midler
?
@BetteMidler
#Satan is jealous of #Trump.

10:52 AM – Jun 7, 2018

Midler, who fell in love with nature while growing up in Hawaii, is perplexed that the president and White House officials are ignoring the rise of natural disasters and studies stating that climate change is increasing the risk of extreme-weather events, including droughts, flooding, and heat waves.

“Something is going on. Some of the fires, the hurricanes, the snow storms, the gigantic floods, and natural disasters that happened all over the world show that things are not the way they were. He needs to open his eyes for once,” Midler said. “If you are old as I am—and I’m pretty old—you know that something has changed. We need leadership with an intellect, [that] has a vision, and believes that we have to accomplish in solving these problems.”

Blondie singer Debbie Harry, a supporter of the project, echoed Midler’s sentiments. She finds it “scary” that Trump doesn’t care about the state of the environment, and that business takes precedence over the natural world.

“He’s senseless, and I doubt he has any emotional depth of any sort,” said Harry, who led a sing-along of the Beatles’ “Can’t Buy Me Love” with Midler during the gala’s dinner. “It’s tragic that he doesn’t care about the environment or anything else except himself. I find it unbelievable. What Bette is doing is helping everyone. The more green spaces we have, people are happier and feel better. He can learn a lot from her.”

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Thursday, April 5, 2018

Kathy Griffin says Hollywood abandoned her except for a few including Bette Midler and Jim Carey

EW
Kathy Griffin says Hollywood abandoned her
DEREK LAWRENCE
April 03, 2018

After her infamous photo with a bloody facsimile of Donald Trump’s severed head, Kathy Griffin believes Hollywood abandoned her, refusing to extend a lifeline that she desperately needed.

Last May, the comedian became embroiled in a controversy that sparked a two-month federal investigation when images were released of her holding a fake decapitated head resembling the president. Since then, she lost her New Year’s Eve cohosting job on CNN and found it difficult to book stand-up gigs. And on Tuesday’s episode of The Howard Stern Show, Griffin — who apologized and then backtracked on her mea culpa — further addressed the fallout and the lack of support she received.

“Nobody wanted to hear a word from me. I was anathema to everything and everyone,” said Griffin, who is set to portray Kellyanne Conway on The President Show. “I think what has been the worst is the fact that no one, until The President Show, no one lifted a finger. People would call me and be supportive and then they’d say, ‘Can you not say publicly that I called you?’ Lots of people. ‘I’m being really supportive, don’t ever say I called you.’ I reached out to a few people where the subject line was, ‘Where the f— have you been?’ And people got defensive. I thought, okay, I’m on my own here.”

She continued, “I needed someone to lift a finger. I needed a big showrunner or somebody to go, ‘I’m going to give you 10 pages in a movie, I’m going to put you on SNL for one skit,’ and it would have all gone away. There were so many people that could’ve just done one little thing that would have made this like 50 percent less, and they just wouldn’t.”

But Griffin did say that a few famous people reached out, including Katt Williams, Bette Midler, Aubrey Plaza, Jamie Foxx, and Jim Carrey. (She also said it was male comics and not female ones who came to her defense.)

“I got a call from Jim Carrey, who I don’t really know that well,” Griffin said. “He said, ‘Kathy, do you know how many comedians would give their right arm for this story? You are the most famous comedian in the world today. Use it.’ I was crying on the phone with Jim. ‘Jim, it’s over for me!’ Jim said, ‘Don’t apologize — lean in, use it.’”

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Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Bette Midler And Others Send Congrats To Kathy Griffin And Her Comeback

The Wrap
Comedian Kathy Griffin is “in shock” and “so grateful” that her show at New York’s 3,671-seat Carnegie Hall sold out — in one day.
Rosemary Rossi
3/18/18

“I just found out that my Carnegie Hall show sold out in a day. I’m in shock,” she tweeted Saturday. “For most of the past year I was convinced that my career was over…I have felt moments of despair that I can’t describe in a tweet. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I am so grateful.”

Kathy Griffin
?
@kathygriffin

I just found out that my Carnegie Hall show sold out in a day. I’m in shock. For most of the past year I was convinced that my career was over…I have felt moments of despair that I can’t describe in a tweet. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I am so grateful.

It’s been nine months since Griffin’s photo holding a fake decapitated President Donald Trump head caused an uproar that threw her life and career in turmoil. Venues cancelled her tour dates, CNN dropped her as co-host of its annual New Year’s Eve broadcast and she became the subject of a Secret Service investigation for “conspiracy to assassinate the president.”

News of Griffin’s comeback made lots of her fans very happy, including a few famous ones. Amber Tamblyn tweeted, “Love you, Kathy,” while Bette Midler went into a little more detail, writing, “Congratulations and welcome back! You were in Show Biz jail longer than the Stanford Rapist was in real jail!”

17 Mar

Kathy Griffin
?
@kathygriffin
I just found out that my Carnegie Hall show sold out in a day. I’m in shock. For most of the past year I was convinced that my career was over…I have felt moments of despair that I can’t describe in a tweet. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I am so grateful.

Amber Tamblyn
?
@ambertamblyn

Love you, Kathy.

5:28 PM – Mar 17, 2018
176
See Amber Tamblyn’s other Tweets
Twitter Ads info and privacy

Bette Midler
?
@BetteMidler

Congratulations and welcome back! You were in Show Biz jail longer than the Stanford Rapist was in real jail! https://twitter.com/kathygriffin/status/975059012822630403 …

Midler later added, “And what timing! On St. Patrick’s Day, no less!!”

Bette Midler
?
@BetteMidler

#KathyGriffin And what timing! On St. Patrick’s Day, no less!!

Griffin didn’t take the well-wishes and congratulations lightly, replying to Midler, “Thank you. I just reread the incredibly lovely and compassionate email you sent me on that dark day. XXOO.”

17 Mar

Bette Midler
?
@BetteMidler
Congratulations and welcome back! You were in Show Biz jail longer than the Stanford Rapist was in real jail! https://twitter.com/kathygriffin/status/975059012822630403 …

Kathy Griffin
?
@kathygriffin
Thank you. I just reread the incredibly lovely and compassionate email you sent me on that dark day. XXOO

And there were even a couple of celebs who Griffin acknowledged who reached out to her privately.

“People talk sh*t about @KrisJenner/@KimKardashian (including me in my act) but I will tell you something…in the past year they have shown me a lot of love & given me support when I needed it most,” Griffin tweeted. “And it’s never been for show. (Don’t worry they’re still going to be in my act).”

Kathy Griffin
?
@kathygriffin
People talk sh*t about @KrisJenner/@KimKardashian (including me in my act) but I will tell you something…in the past year they have shown me a lot of love & given me support when I needed it most. And it’s never been for show.

(Don’t worry they’re still going to be in my act) https://twitter.com/kathygriffin/status/975059012822630403 …

Griffin’s “Laugh Your Head Off World Tour” has her performing in Canada and the U.S. through at least early summer. Additional date may be added.

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Saturday, February 3, 2018

BetteBack April 24, 1975: It’s a glossier Bette Midler who’s back in the Big Apple (‘Clams’)

Middletown Times Herald
April 24, 1975

2016-07-14_1-44-22

NEW YORKBette Midler, the tackiest girl in town, has come home to roost at the tackiest theater on Broadway, the Minskoff. She opened last week with her “Clams on the Half Shell Revue,” and proved that it’s oysters that produce pearls, not clams.

The show begins with the overture from “Oklahoma!” — which is not a bad way to open a show. At least it once worked quite well for “Oklahoma!? It then moves straight into a scene from “Showboat.”

This concept once worked quite well for “Showboat.” But Miss Midler is only nostalgically kidding us — and soon she herself hauled onto stage in a clam shell — she waggles her posterior, follows this with a little aloha-posing and a South Seas ditty. All this seems to work quite well for Miss Midler.

It is more than a year since “The Divine Miss M.” as she shamelessly calls herself to the delight of her vociferous fans, has last in town at the Palace Theater.

That time has far simpler than the present so-called revue, in which Miss Midler, caught in the middle of an over-blown, overstaged and over-dressed cabaret act does her game and often successful best to fight her way out.

She is a modern phenomenon, the low priestess of her own jukebox subculture, an explosion of energy and minutely calculated bad taste, a drizzle of dazzle, a lady both bnsh and vulnerable, a grinning waif singing with a strident plaintiveness of friendship
and love.

Miss Midler is a past-mistress of faded, peeling instant nostalgia, some of it exotic, most of it oldfashioned, and a little of it freezedried as well as instant.

Her forte is the 40s. and she encourages her audience to remember and identify with a shock and a giggle, in a grin-alongwith-Bette spirit. She is a fine nudge-artist of the recognition joke, and her singing from rock to ballad, from be-bop to gospel, is individual, fascinating and usually self-explosive in its mockery.

She uses the theater as if it were a nightclub, and plays with the audience as if it were a shoal of fish. Her rapport is extraordinary, and she can laugh and insult, arid laugh again. But what has happened to Miss Midler in this show? Oh. of course, enough of her comes through to keep the fans roaring, but something has happened. The vulgarity has become glossy rather than tatty.

Tony Walton‘s designs are heroic in their creative imagination, particularly in a show where imagination is largely lacking, or if not lacking hearing a somewhat mechanical grin.

Whether he is designing a ghost bar (full of male dummies and a manic Miss Midler), an Empire State Building in the hairy grasp of King Kong, holding Miss Midler in the palm of his paw, or creating — in the second half – a vast juke-box setting for Lionel Hampton and a joyously noise-sounding big band – Walton is on top of the world. The show is more fun to look at than Miss Midler’s material is to listen to.

The second half of the show is, indeed, warmer and less pretentious than the first. For one thing we have a cream-suited Lionel Hampton presiding avuncularly over his vibraphone, dashing off as only he can those rhythmic but plangent runs, tinkles and riffs of an instrument he practically invented and has virtually patented from the early days of Benny Goodman on.

And Hampton dances, plays the piano, plays the drums, and indeed when caught in a strobe-light drumming away, performing juggling tricks with sticks, he is like a living photograph by Ojon Mili. and all is right with the world, and with the show.

Miss Midler and her trio of harpies, the Harlettes, are often cheerfully amusing, and the director Joe Layton has done a few very good things for them choreographically and visually not least in the finale when they are briefly joined by a driving group of
gospel singers, the Michael Powell Ensemble.

However someone should tell Miss Midler when she is being too sentimental and self-indulgent — she is best when she is etched a little in acid. For all this although she could have had better material (enough people seem to have written it) and she could have been more persuasively presented, more sensitive use could have been made of her naughty but, yes, divine sense of humor.

For all this, when everything is said and done, by heck, New York is still her town and she is still its best Bette. Even if this time around, the odds, like the show itself, are little long.

BetteBack January 23, 1997: Tom Shales – Diva Las Vegas
The Complete 2016 Tony Awards Nominations
Bette Midler’s ‘Hulaween’ ready to dazzle us
BetteBack Feb. 14, 1976: The Bette Midler Incident In Buffalo, New York Or Why Bette Wouldn’t Play There Till Divine Intervention | BootLeg Betty

Bette Midler: We did it – One Million Trees for New York City! No Other City Has Reached This Goal! | BootLeg Betty Read More

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Friday, January 26, 2018

‘Bring back the bush!’ Bette Midler asks women to reclaim hair down there

Mister D: I hope people on the site can contain themselves better than some of those on Facebook. What I saw as a funny, innocuous statement by Miss has caused a stir from some. Some of the things said on Facebook were that Bette was tasteless (obvi new fans, it’s none of her business, there are more important things to talk about (I’m sure we’re not saturated enough with talk of Trump as it is. People don’t realize the extent of our problems in the US, but you can bet people can describe Donald’s last shit), to Miss M has gone too far left or that’s just more of that nasty lib talk (Personally, I thought pubic hair was a bipartisan issue. I’m sure my long time readers won’t ever see the need to respond, they’ll just enjoy the fact that Bette brought it up. Personally I think the bald look on men and women as kind of disturbing in a weird way. It makes you look like a plucked chicken. I like my men natural. Give me that any day, but I wouldn’t turn away a bald one either. I guess it’s just personal preference, but really do we have to argue about it? Really?

Starts At 60
‘Bring back the bush!’ Bette Midler asks women to reclaim hair down there
STARTS AT 60 WRITERS LIFESTYLE
January 25, 2018

She was never one to shy away from speaking her mind.

Hollywood star and vocal powerhouse Bette Midler, has called for women everywhere to reclaim the 1970s trend of full pubic hair in a hilarious tweet in which she mentions President Donald Trump and ex-president George W. Bush.

The tweet shared on Midler’s Twitter page has already garnered hundreds of comments and likes from fans who agree with the celebrity’s sentiment.

In the tweet, Midler wrote in capital letters “LADIES!! NO MORE BRAZILLIAN WAXING!! BRING BACK THE BUSH!!” she then went on to say “not George W., altho in comparison to our current WH Occupant… let me ruminate.”

Midler is a staunch democrat and has been critical of both Bush and Trump on social media over the years. She has made countless jabs at President Trump’s policies and hairdo in recent months.

Midler’s call-to-arms in support of pubic hair resonated with many fans, one of whom exclaimed, “The bush never went out of style, as far as I’m concerned!”

Another user wrote, “Proud to say I’ve kept mine my entire life.”

One user even noted that bringing back the bush is the only way to go when you have a busy lifestyle. “I’m a 45 yr old single mom with 1 & 3 yr olds. Needless to say I’m back to the bush,” she said.

There were many that remembered a time when having a thick bush of pubic hair was the norm and bare genitals were limited to children. “I miss the good old days when genitals did not require grooming,” one user reminisced.

This is not the first time Midler has shown her support for the ’60s and ’70s look. In July, 2012, Midler joked about a time when everyone she knew donned the bush.

Bette Midler isn’t the only woman Hollywood in favour of popularising the bush once again. Actress Gwyneth Paltrow, Emma Watson and Cameron Diaz have all joined the call to embrace a more natural look ‘down there’.

The obsession with the state of our body hair first started in 1915, when Gillette introduced the first razor for women, claiming body hair was “unsightly” and that “less is more”. When the ’60s and ’70s came around many women went back to the ‘all natural’ look, opting for a full bush once more.

Heading into the ’80s it was the hair on our heads that increased in size; while many had to manicure their lawn to make way for high swimmers and exercise gear. In the ’90s the ‘landing strip’ was popularised and now the focus is on having no hair at all, with many opting for a Brazilian wax.

So what do you think? Do you yearn for the days where having natural pubic hair was fashionable?

Do you agree with Bette Midler? Should women everywhere ‘bring back the bush’?

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Tuesday, January 9, 2018

What Weird New Behavior Will Donald Trump Display At The National Championship Game? And What’s The Deal With Trump And Midler?

Deadspin
What Weird New Behavior Will Donald Trump Display At The National Championship Game?
By David Roth
Jan 9, 2018

A year and change into his first term in office, it’s still honestly kind of hard to tell why Donald Trump ran for president. At this point, we know enough about him to assume both 1) that it had nothing to do with any of the reasons he offered on the campaign trail and 2) that it’s probably something exponentially dumber than the most stupid possible guess. There is, knowing what we know about our big wet-boy-in-chief, every reason to assume that he ran for president because he wanted to put Bette Midler in a Supermax prison because she criticized him in Page Six back in 1991. But there is also every reason to assume it’s something even dumber, pettier, and more tragically dated than that.

Ever since he found out that he can’t just up and do that—the deep state is a huge fan of the performer they call “the divine Miss M”—Trump has been in a very bad mood. His workday has apparently shrunk down to about six hours of television and three brief meetings, and no one is even trying to stop him from retweeting @WeedHimmler or actively tweeting non sequiturs about how he “absolutely can tie his own shoelaces” or whatever, but he’s still clearly upset a lot of the time. Everyone makes fun of him, the hornier cousin of the fish guy from The Shape Of Water just wrote a book that depicts him as a testy imbecile, and somehow people still don’t believe that he can really tie his own shoelaces. On Monday night, though, Donald Trump will get to experience one of the perks of the most powerful office on earth—a luxury box of his own at the College Football Playoff National Championship Game!

In some ways this is obviously great for him: two excellent football teams in the biggest game of the college football season, access to what we can only presume are unlimited snacks of the beige/flap-shaped kind that Trump most enjoys to eat, and of course the chance to be on television wearing a suit and a baseball cap at the same time. But it’s not without its negatives. For one thing, the game is on ESPN, and Trump doesn’t like ESPN for reasons he has certainly forgotten about. For another, when Barack Obama attended past games he typically made a brief appearance in the broadcast booth; Trump will not be doing this, both because of his strenuous aversion to doing anything that his predecessor did and because his evident cognitive decline makes him kind of a wild card after say 6 p.m. He’d bring up Bette Midler for sure and probably the shoelaces thing again. It’s a chance that his handlers are unwilling to take.

Just because we won’t be getting the full Donald J. Trump Platinum Experience—the one where he says a bunch of large numbers, then spends 30 seconds blinking and saying “very very and so much” about whatever is directly in front of him, and then abruptly pivots to discussing how rude Suzanne Somers was to him in 1987 or whatever—doesn’t mean that he won’t give Americans something to enjoy during the broadcast. Besides what promises to be a very good football game, we will get the pure and terrifying entertainment of watching this great sticky man and his oatmeal mind doing all kinds of presidential things on television. Is he going to fall asleep in a baseball hat with his name on it like a big ol’ toddler? Is he going to appear on camera just absolutely demolishing a huge piece of chocolate cake that he got from who knows where? Will he do the thing where he takes a two-handed sip from a can of soda as if it were the dang Stanley Cup? Invite the University of Central Florida to the White House because he misread a tweet?

These are not rhetorical questions. Trump is slated to arrive at 6:45, and I will absolutely bet you a Coke that he leaves at halftime if not before; the game itself doesn’t kick off until about 8:17. Still, that should give this glistening soggy doof plenty of time to work the magic that he works. Below, you will find the official Deadspin Donald Trump Bingo Board for the College Football Championship National Championship Game. Feel free to play along at home.

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