In Honor Of Miss M’s Birthday: 25 Of Her Divine Quotes


Purple Clover
From sharp and insightful to funny and outrageous—sometimes all at once—her wit is the wind beneath … well, you know
December 1, 2018


In Miss M's Honor: 25 Divine Quotes From Bette Midler

Not for nothing do we call her the Divine Miss M. Here, in honor of her birthday, are 25 funny wisecracks, astute observations and two-bit opinions from Bette Midler.

  • On Her Sense of Ambition: “I want it all—and I would like it delivered.”
  • On Standing Out From the Crowd: “If only I’d known my differentness would be an asset, then my earlier life would have been much easier.”
  • On Power: “I firmly believe that with the right footwear, one can rule the world.”
  • On Housework: “My idea of Superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.”
  • On Her Gay Fans: “Thank God for the gays. I don’t know what would have happened, but I know what did happen. Good for them and good for me.”
  • On Nightlife: “I try not to drink too much because when I’m drunk, I bite.”
  • On Camp: “I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.”
  • On Princess Anne: “Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.”
  • On Helen Reddy: “She ought to be arrested for loitering in front of an orchestra.”
  • On Madonna: “The only thing Madonna will ever do like a virgin is give birth in a stable.”
  • On the Limits of Happiness: “Total contentment is only for cows.”
  • On Moderation: “I feel like a million tonight—but one at a time.”
  • On Johnny Carson’s Retirement: “Johnny, what are going to do with all that free time? I mean, Wimbledon only comes one week a year.”
  • On What Goes Through Her Head: “Sometimes my brain goes on CD shuffle. You know you put a bunch of CDs on and hit play and random things come out.”
  • On Her Husband: “I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.”
  • On What She Likes in a Man: “If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.”
  • On the Code, She Lives By: “I have my standards. They’re low, but I have them.”
  • On Sisterhood: “Honey, I can smell the scent of another woman from 500 paces.”
  • On Aging: “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.”
  • On Resisting Conformity:  “Cherish forever what makes you unique, ’cause you’re really a yawn if it goes.”
  • On Playing an Instrument: “If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.”
  • On Winning: “You have to think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to know that you’re not.”
  • On Having “Work” Done: “I wish America would spend even half as much time complaining about plastics in our oceans as we do about actresses’ plastic surgery.”
  • On the Past: “I never look back. ‘Cause if you’re looking back, you can’t go forward.”
  • Getting Back to Her Favorite Subject: “Enough about me. What do you think about me?”
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5 Responses to In Honor Of Miss M’s Birthday: 25 Of Her Divine Quotes

  1. Marguerite Allen says:

    Love you Bette?

    • Mister D says:

      That was good putting a question mark there. This isn’t Bette, but a fansite. However she visits once in awhile. Thanks, MisterD

      • Kristopher Wilhite says:

        The quote on sisterhood was not really on sisterhood it’s about a man coming home after being with another woman…

        • Kristopher Wilhite says:

          Wait that wasn’t meant to be a reply.

          Mr. D IS Bette Midler! He knows her better than she knows herself…wait maybe that was Cher…

  2. Kristopher Wilhite says:

    The quote on SISTERHOOD was not about sisterhood. It was about when a man comes home way after midnight after being with another woman. “Fuck this shit! I’ve had enough of you…you asshole! Pack your bags!”

    (My first real boyfriend did that to me a lot…well, not after being with a woman…but being with who knows how many men on any given night! Ah…young love!)

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