When I first heard “Wind Beneath My Wings”, I thought: “I’m not singing that…

“When I first heard “Wind Beneath My Wings”, I thought: “I’m not singing that.” [Longtime friend and producer] Marc Shaiman…

I’m incapable of doing anything other than entertaining. I can barely add and I’ve never been able to do my own taxes. It’s a good thing I’ve been blessed with this fantastic will to go forward, even when I hit the skids.

“I’m incapable of doing anything other than entertaining. I can barely add and I’ve never been able to do my…

Sue Mengers was way tougher than I am. You go through your life, you’re a certain age, a lot of things have happened to me, but I needed to put those aside and let the audience affect me in a simple way…

[her reaction of Broadway audiences] “I learned to accept the audience’s happiness for me, which is one of the hardest…

[on “Misery”] “I turned that down because I didn’t want to saw off someone’s foot, even though the role won an Oscar [for Kathy Bates].

[on “Misery”] “I turned that down because I didn’t want to saw off someone’s foot, even though the role won…

Sue even had a friend blowing marijuana smoke into her face as she passed away. She was high until the bitter end…

[on Sue Mengers who she played on Broadway] “Sue even had a friend blowing marijuana smoke into her face as…

As an actor you’re supposed to take jobs that will challenge you or force fans to see you in a different light. By the ’90s, I wasn’t really an actor anymore…

“As an actor you’re supposed to take jobs that will challenge you or force fans to see you in a…

[on Susan Boyle] “She is an act whose time has come. People love that voice…

[on Susan Boyle] “She is an act whose time has come. People love that voice. She sings straight. She doesn’t…

As Joan Crawford once said, “I’ll show ya a pair of Golden Globes!”

“As Joan Crawford once said, “I’ll show ya a pair of Golden Globes!”.”

[Accusing Lady Gaga of stealing her Dolores DeLago routine humorously] I’ve been doing singing mermaid since 1980. You can keep the meat dress and the firecracker boobs. Mermaid’s mine.

[Accusing Lady Gaga of stealing her Dolores DeLago routine humorously] I’ve been doing singing mermaid since 1980. You can keep…

I celebrate everyone’s religious holidays. if it’s good enough for the righteous, it’s good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.

“I celebrate everyone’s religious holidays. if it’s good enough for the righteous, it’s good enough for the self-righteous, I always…

I’m not just vain, I’m ignorant. I’m vignorant!…

“I’m not just vain, I’m ignorant. I’m vignorant!”

On desire: If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life…

On desire: If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.

I thought I would be an actorrrr. I thought I’d be Ethel Barrymore…

“I thought I would be an actorrrr. I thought I’d be Ethel Barrymore. I didn’t know who she was, but…

We were very poor, it was a hard-scrabble childhood, not particularly happy…

[on growing up in Hawaii]: We were very poor, it was a hard-scrabble childhood, not particularly happy. The best part…

My parents (mother Ruth a seamstress, father Fred a painter) were not encouraging.

My parents (mother Ruth a seamstress, father Fred a painter) were not encouraging. My father put everybody down. Yeah, it…

I’ve never been to a sex orgy in my entire life. Studio 54 was way worse than the baths…

“I’ve never been to a sex orgy in my entire life. Studio 54 was way worse than the baths.” Edit:…

I was riveting. Yes, it was a place where gay men met and had sex. I didn’t see that…

“I was riveting. Yes, it was a place where gay men met and had sex. I didn’t see that. Someone…

Thank God for the gays. I don’t know what would have happened but I know what did happen. Good for them and good for me.

“Thank God for the gays. I don’t know what would have happened but I know what did happen. Good for…

I love Barbara Hershey and Lainie Kazan. I had no idea “Beaches” was an ‘uberweepie’!

I love Barbara Hershey and Lainie Kazan. I had no idea “Beaches” was an ”˜uberweepie’! The nerve! It wasn’t so…

I want world peace. Please. Just for my sake, before I go. I also hope that Meryl Streep has the good taste to step aside and let the rest of us have a crack…

I want world peace. Please. Just for my sake, before I go. I also hope that Meryl Streep has the…

When asked by Parade magazine whether she will retire after her show in Las Vegas]

[when asked by Parade magazine whether she will retire after her show in Las Vegas] I think so. I must…

Fuck’EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!

“You know, I wanted to leave you with the memory of the good beneath the gaudy, the saint beneath the…

I love to work. I love the idea of putting a show together, and I love the idea of putting musical numbers together …

“I love to work. I love the idea of putting a show together, and I love the idea of putting…

Work is a process of finding out who you are, once you do you can lie down…

“Work is a process of finding out who you are, once you do you can lie down.”

[Our father] didn’t like us wearing make up and we had a curfew some ridiculous hour like ten o’clock, and if you weren’t in the house you usually got locked out…

“[Our father] didn’t like us wearing make up and we had a curfew some ridiculous hour like ten o’clock, and…

I LOVE the idea of being a wild woman, but I don’t really want to be one…

“I LOVE the idea of being a wild woman, but I don’t really want to be one. I think about…

I like art and I like work…

“I like art and I like work. And the whole thrust of my life has been toward those two things,…

My whole life had been spent waiting for an epiphany, a manifestation of God’s presence, the kind of transcendent, magical experience that lets you see your place in the big picture. And that is what I had with my first compost heap.

“My whole life had been spent waiting for an epiphany, a manifestation of God’s presence, the kind of transcendent, magical…

When I moved to New York, I was very disappointed in how parts of the city looked…

“When I moved to New York, I was very disappointed in how parts of the city looked. I was so…

My specialty is to make people laugh really, really hard and then turn around and make them cry. That’s what I do.

“My specialty is to make people laugh really, really hard and then turn around and make them cry. That’s what…

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