Divine Astrology

Mister D: I just thought this was interesting and fun, especially for those who like astrology and stuff like that there. The pic is of Bette practicing what was supposed to have been her opening number in the “Depression” tour, “I Sold My Heart To The Junkman.” When she had her appendectomy, the opening number changed to “Friends/Oh My My.”

East Valley Living
Who is the Divine Miss M?
March 12 , 2008 by Albert Clayton Gaulden

Photo: Bob Scott

Who is the Divine Miss M”“ Bette Midler ”“beneath those dike spikes and hoochie koochie skirt and trash mouth? Let’s take a closer look: Bette Midler was born on December 1, 1945 at 2:19 pm in Honolulu, Hawaii.

In the spirit of full disclosure I must let you know that I saw the bejeweled, spangled and loaded-with-rhinestones-on-outrageous-costumes Bette Midler at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles in the mid-70’s and it was the best three hour show I ever saw. She changed costumes faster than Hillary Clinton does her mind and she never stopped to breathe-maybe to take a swallow or two of bottled water. The way she stalked the stage, moving left to right and back again, throwing one liners at the audience-singing-yelling, “Hello LA, did you miss me?”, was something to behold. Her rapid-fire repartee is unparalleled in the annals of entertainment. Bette won an Emmy for her appearance on the last night of the Johnny Carson Show. It was live television at its very best. (I had a dream once in which she was playing the largest stadium I have ever seen or been in a dream with, and she called my name over the sound system and asked me to come on stage to sing a last number with her. I woke up on my way to the stage. It could have started another career).

The Divine Miss M has Aries rising-there is no reining this daredevil and comedic chanteuse in-she is the only one who tells her what to do. And wouldn’t you know it-her ruler Mars is in Leo conjunct Pluto-another fire sign. This pixie that channels Sophie Tucker-she tells a joke as if she was really Soph-was born to entertain.

Her Sun and Mercury are in Sagittarius, which gives her the Grand Fire Trine. When she hears the drum roll and the gay girls’ riding club and real gay girls jump to their feet in tandem twist and shout for the Divine Miss M to come out from behind the curtain, Bette storms the stage as if she is going to take hostages-and take hostages she does. Anyone with a weak bladder would rather pee his pants than miss one beat or one ribald joke because Miss Midler lets ”˜em fly faster than bullets from a Tommy gun. She can’t help who she is, how she does what she does the way she does it-it’s in her chart to be bigger than life, even though she is tiny. Bette is dynamite in a small ”˜throw it around all over town’ svelte bod.

She comes by her racy tantalizing risqué soliloquies honestly, as she has the Moon and Venus in Scorpio, known for sexual titillation. And down and dirty she gets, letting every repressed atom of sin lodged in an overloaded libido run loose like a free-range chicken, losing its mind because the barnyard is too small.

But there is a shy side to this dynamo-she would rather seek the company of a close friend or spend alone time with her husband and daughter than live life every minute on the world stage. To verify this statement I ask you, ”˜Did you ever see the one and only-the spitfire from Honolulu-be dragged through the tabloids? Never. You never have and never will because what she does on stage is work for her, it is not who she is. She is contented with who she is and does not need to be given heaps of accolades or applauded every five minutes. Talented, a one-of-a-kind super star, she is not a narcissist and she does not crave attention. She works for a living.

She has her ruling planet Jupiter conjunct Neptune in Libra-fair and balanced, in fabulous aspect to her Sun and Mercury. Jupiter on her 7th House cusp indicates the ”˜life on the stage’ that she has honored in spades.

What is most telling about Bette Midler is that she has Saturn in Cancer-limitations and disappointments in her childhood and early adolescence-trine her Sun on Scorpio. She is responsible-she saves money she doesn’t spend it-and she loves who she loves and if you are not in the club, sit and listen but stay out of her limelight.

I have said many times that I would not cross the street to meet all the big pieces of stuff who break their arms patting themselves on the back-from movie starts to politicians to Wall Street tycoons or ”˜praise Jesus’, all the spiritual gurus and latter day unctuous spokespersons (did I say Tony Robbins or the Maharishi Effect dumb-dumbs?), but I would crawl naked across the desert to see the Divine Miss M. Anybody want to buy me a V.I.P. ticket on the front row? (I don’t do the mezzanine or thirty rows back. Smile.)

I am not her press agent, but I will tell you that she is now appearing at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and tickets are available at www.stubhub.com/bette-midler-tickets..

For more information about Albert Clayton Gaulden, visit www.sedonaintensive.com.

Albert Clayton Gaulden is a regularly featured contributor whose articles appear in Astrology.

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