BootLeg Betty

BetteBack January 1, 1994: The INs and OUTs Of 1994

The Washington Post
January 1, 1994

bette_midler_1

DO THINGS seem a little chaotic?

Twelve months ago we were wondering which of the stars would sleep in the White House, a prospect made dizzy by the inaugural appearance of both Barbra Streisand and Michael Jackson. Now we don’t want to know. Meanwhile, the embattled Hafts – Herbie and Gloria and the kids – may be Hollywood-bound in a drama that could prove there was more excitement behind that pompadour than we had thought. With Aspin out and Inman in, the administration enters the new year with a fresh load of testosterone. So where does that leave Hillary?

The lost-and-found manhood of John Wayne Bobbitt gave Camille Paglia something new to talk about, but frankly we’re more intrigued by Fabio. Does he shave or does he wax? Come to think of it, maybe we’re just a wee bit more dubious about everything that looks and sounds too good to be true – the politics of meaning, gun control, the new world order.

So leave wishful thinking at the door. It’s ’94!

IN…………………………OUT

POLITICS AS USUAL …………. POLITICS OF MEANING

JIMI HENDRIX ……………… JIM MORRISON

WESTERNS …………………. YUPPIE PARANOID THRILLERS

COMMUNITARIANISM ………….. LIBERALISM

NEO-FASCISM ………………. COMMUNISM

INSECTS ………………….. DINOSAURS

COUNTRY MUSIC VIDEOS ………. LINE DANCING

SPEED RACER ………………. BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD

PUMAS ……………………. PLATFORMS

ROBERT REICH ……………… BARNEY

MISTER ROGERS’ NEIGHBORHOOD … NEVERLAND

BIODIVERSITY ……………… DIVERSITY WORKSHOPS

GLORIA AND HERBIE …………. JOEY AND AMY

NORTHERN IRELAND ………….. SOMALIA

J. EDGAR HOOVER …………… JAYE DAVIDSON

FABIO ……………………. ARNOLD

CASABLANCA LILIES …………. SUNFLOWERS

GM SUBURBANS ……………… JEEP CHEROKEES

LESBIAN EMPOWERMENT ……….. MUD WRESTLING

LOBBYISTS ………………… WHITE HOUSE

AL GORE ………………….. ROSS PEROT

BATS …………………….. DRACULA

ANKLETS ………………….. LEGGINGS

DONALD AND MARLA ………….. JAMES AND MARY

BUDDHA …………………… RICHARD GERE

NORMANDY …………………. PROVENCE

PIERCED TONGUES …………… PIERCED NOSES

BOY GEORGE ……………….. GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS

BILL RUMORS ………………. HILLARY RUMORS

LAURENCE FISHBURNE ………… ALEC BALDWIN

TRANCE …………………… GRUNGE

BRIAN ENO ………………… U2

GAY COMEDY ……………….. GAY DRAMA

“TALK SOUP” ………………. TALK SHOWS

COURT TV …………………. QVC

TOMMY LEE JONES …………… HARRISON FORD

HEIDI FLEISS ……………… JANET RENO

DOPE …………………….. SMART DRUGS

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS ……….. STONED AIRLINE PILOTS

SYLVIA PLATH ……………… VIRGINIA WOOLF

JANET MALCOLM …………….. CATHERINE MACKINNON

“BAYWATCH” ……………….. “NORTHERN EXPOSURE”

GEORGE ON “SEINFELD” ………. KRAMER ON “SEINFELD”

LUAUS ……………………. BRUNCH

PUDDING ………………….. POTATOES

JANE CAMPION ……………… MERCHANT/IVORY

SARIS FOR MEN …………….. KILTS FOR MEN

BETTE MIDLER ……………… BARBRA STREISAND

BOB PACKWOOD ……………… CLARENCE THOMAS

BJORK ……………………. PORK

PENISES ………………….. MACHO

HARVEY KEITEL …………….. AL PACINO

CORNEL WEST ………………. SHELBY STEELE

SNOOP DOGGY DOGG ………….. ICE-T

CAMPUS SEX CODES ………….. CAMPUS SPEECH CODES

VIBE …………………….. SPIN

CYBERPORN ………………… AMATEUR SEX VIDEOS

REPRESSED MEMORIES ………… NOSTALGIA

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