20 tearjerker movies Hollywood should leave alone

Houston Chronicle
20 tearjerker movies Hollywood should leave alone
By Joey Guerra Updated 1:15 pm, Thursday, July 28, 2016


Lifetime is really trying it.

First, they gave us half-hearted biopics of Whitney Houston and Toni Braxton. Now, the cable channel “for women” is — gasp! — remaking a tearjerker classic.

Idina Menzel, Broadway and “Frozen” star, has been cast in a 2017 remake of “Beaches.” That’s right, the 1988 film starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey that still makes us cry every single time.

The reaction from social media? A unanimous “WHY?”

“Beaches” is already perfect. The two leads. The songs. Mayim Bialik as a young Cece Bloom. LEAVE IT ALONE, LIFETIME.

!. Beaches

Idina Menzel is everything. And we’d like to give her a chance. But Bette Midler and ‘Wind Beneath My Wings‘ and Mayim Bialik as little CeCe Bloom and Barbra Hershey were already perfect. It’s going to be difficult to top the tears, especially on Lifetime.

2. Untamed Heart

Magic records and a baboon heart and oh my gosh we’re already tearing up. Marisa Tomei, Christian Slater and Rosie Perez were terrific.

3. Up

Do not turn this into a live-action film. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

4. Marley & Me

Unashamedly sentimental. Lovable dogs. Jennifer Aniston. Already perfect.

5. The Notebook

Because there will be riots if this happens.

6. Titanic

The mother of all tearjerkers. Kate and Leo and all the icebergs. WE WON’T LET GO, JACK.

7. E.T.

We’re surprised someone hasn’t already done this.

8. Million Dollar Baby

The ending of this Oscar-winning film was gutting. Don’t try it.

9. Steel Magnolias

OK, we’ll allow the Lifetime remake with an African-American cast. But nothing compares to the syrupy sentiment of the original.

10. A Walk to Remember

Don’t even care, this movie was everything and Mandy Moore was everything and the songs and her eyes and … Give me a second.

11. Ghost

No. Don’t.

12. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape

Every part of this ’90s art-house gem was magic.

13. The Sixth Sense

Because Toni Collette was perfect, especially in this scene AND NO ONE WILL EVER COMPARE DO YOU HEAR ME NO ONE.

14. Edward Scissorhands

Sighs and swoons and snowflakes. Exquisite.

15. Brokeback Mountain

We don’t think anyone will dare. But just in case.

16. Moulin Rouge

The music! The dancing! The climax! And those wonderful songs.

17. Mask

Because like Bette Midler, you just shouldn’t mess with Cher.

18. Dancer In The Dark

Bjork was a revelation as a desperate mother in this stark musical. If you haven’t seen it, do so now. But prepare yourself.

19. Boys Don’t Cry

Another modern classic starring Hilary Swank, this time as transgender teen Brandon Teena.

20. Philadelphia

Tom Hanks exuded real grace as a man with AIDS.

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