BootLeg Betty

Who’d play who in Canada’s story?

Ottawa Sun
Who’d play who in Canada’s story?
SHANE ROSS
FIRST POSTED: SATURDAY, JANUARY 23, 2016 09:00 PM EST

Hollywood’s awards season is upon us, with the Golden Globes handed out Jan. 10 and the Academy Awards coming up Feb. 28.

Here in Ottawa, you could easily argue that federal politics has enough drama, intrigue and pretty people to make its own Hollywood blockbuster. (Or at least a primetime series on CBC.)

But before Spielberg or Scorcese send their casting crews to Ottawa, we here at the Sun thought we’d help out by suggesting some actors who bear enough of a resemblance to play a part.

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JUSTIN TRUDEAU:
John Cusack. JT might prefer someone like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp to play him on the big screen. Depp wouldn’t be a stretch. He did, after all, play a pirate who took from the rich and gave to the … OK so it may not have been the middle class. Regardless, a young Cusack bears a stronger resemblance to Trudeau, especially when it’s so important to get the hair just right. And besides, after Hot Tub Time Machine, it wouldn’t hurt Cusack’s career to play a hip young PM. (wire photos)

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MIKE DUFFY: Danny DeVito. He was great in Throw Mama From the Train; he’ll be even better in Throw Harper Under the Bus. (wire photos)

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STEPHEN HARPER: Steve Martin. Stephen Harper played by Saturday Night Live’s former “wild and crazy guy”? We know it doesn’t make sense. But this is Hollywood, and if the neatly coiffed grey hear isn’t enough of a physical similarity, Martin could always dig out that nose he used in Roxanne. (wire photos)

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MELANIE JOLY: Naomi Watts. It makes sense that if Kidman plays McKenna, her new BFF Joly, the Heritage Minister, should be played by Kidman’s BFF Watts. As one editor recently commented, these are not your grandfather’s cabinet ministers.

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ELIZABETH MAY: Bette Midler. They both have that toothy smile and always seem to be laughing at something. Everyone seems to love them, but neither gets the respect they deserve. (Come on, Hocus Pocus is a classic!) Midler would no doubt nail the awkward speech scene where a — ahem — “tired” May gets hauled off the Press Gallery stage by Lisa Raitt (played by Meryl Streep?) (wire photos)

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JOHN McCALLUM: Gordie Howe. Yes we know. Mr. Hockey is not an actor. But every time we see the immigration minister, the white hair and high forehead reminds us of Howe. Except McCallum has to deal with refugees, not referees. (wire photos)

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CATHERINE McKENNA: Nicole Kidman. This was a tossup between Kidman and Gwyneth Paltrow. (You’re welcome, Catherine.) They’re both save-the-planet types who could easily play an environment minister who pulled off the biggest upset of the federal election with class and grace. But Kidman gets the nod because, well, see Melanie Joly. (wire photos)

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BILL MORNEAU: Kevin Spacey. As the star of House of Cards, Spacey has to play somebody in this political drama. And the finance minister bears the closest resemblance. Let’s hope rookie MP Morneau never becomes as ruthless as Spacey’s character, U.S. Rep. Francis Underwood. But as Canada’s economy struggles with low oil prices and a weak dollar, Morneau’s political savvy will be put to the test. (wire photos)

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TOM MULCAIR:
Paul Giamatti. Both scholars. Both bearded. Both, one could argue, underrated in their professions. But after playing Barney Panofsky in Barney’s Version and Miles in Sideways, playing the straight-laced NDP leader might seem a little bland for Giamatti. (wire photos)

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RONA AMBROSE: Kirstie Alley. The Cheers Kirstie Alley, or the current Kirstie Alley, not the what-the- heck-happened-to-Kirstie-Alley Kirstie Alley. At least the hair is similar, and haven’t you seen the Tory leader give Justin Trudeau that same look of indignation Rebecca gave Sam Malone? (wire photos)

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PATRICK BRAZEAU:
John Travolta. This is a no-brainer. And Travolta is no stranger to playing bad boys. Although there is plenty of Grease to go around, we’re thinking more Pulp Fiction Travolta for Senator Brazeau. (wire photos)

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