Mister D: Although this sequel has been debunked within a day, this still is a nice plea!
On Wednesday afternoon the world was bowled over with the oh-so very exciting news that Tina Fey might produce the sequel to Hocus Pocus, everyoneâ€™s favorite witchy nineties movie. Now, if youâ€™re a frequent reader of this here Bustle dot com, you know that we love us some Hocus Pocus. Like, a lot. And the prospect of the Bossypants Queen tackling one of our childhood favorites in sequel form obviously got us a bit excited (understatement). But we cannot, in good faith, endorse this filmâ€™s existence without the inclusion of the superstar trio at its heart: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy.
So weâ€™re here to implore them to join in on the fun. Admit it: you feel the same, donâ€™t you?
Now, we know these three very talented, very funny, very accomplished ladies have a lot on their plates, but we believe theyâ€™d be truly remiss to turn down the opportunity to work on this iteration. Though none of the original cast (or any cast at all, for that matter) has been confirmed to return, we all know that the real magic of the film was the comedy work done by the Sanderson trio. The last â€œreunionâ€ was a total letdown, so please, ladies â€” donâ€™t hurt us again.
Besides, letâ€™s look at the facts here: Tina Fey might be producing (though Deadline says thatâ€™s not the case, but go with us here.) Do you know what this means, ladies? If Feyâ€™s on board (please, please let the rumors be true), then the film is all-but-guaranteed to be a laughriot. A real knee-slapper. A regular olâ€™ hootenanny of the cinematic-iest order. And you know who would do well to get back in on the funny business? Why that would be you, Sarah Jessica Parker, who is so totally and clearly reading this little bit of Internet nincompoopery right now.
SJP â€” working with Tina Fey will be a real boon for you and your career. After Sex and the City ended its HBO run (turning into the watered down not-nearly-as-brilliant syndicated mess most people look at it as now), people have forgotten that you have some pretty decent comedy chops. Remember L.A. Story? Oh man that was so good. And donâ€™t even get me started on your turn in The First Wivesâ€™ Club. Fantastic and so funny!
Know what will bring you back into comedyâ€™s good graces? Working with Tina Fey. Itâ€™ll be a return to form for you, a loosening of the reigns, a dismantling of that prim-and-proper fashion lady that has sort of become your image as of late. Not that thereâ€™s anything wrong with that, but, meh: donâ€™t you want to have a bit more fun again? Use thy voice, SJP! Fill the SKY!
And Kathy Najimy â€” you are already a comedic queen. You and Fey collaborating? THE SPARKS, THE SPARKS, I see them already! In our minds your comedy career has been completely delightful, with runs on Veep, The Big C, and King of the Hill (just to name a mere few. For real). You are an icon of the game, something Fey would undoubtedly respect and amplify. Honestly, we can just imagine you two getting on like gangbusters. Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca! Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca!
And of course we did not forget you, Divine Miss M. Oh Bette. Bette you are a queen, a guardian of greatness â€” what else is there to say? To see you team up with Tina Fey would no doubt be electric. Admit it: with your brash comedic timing, generally outrageous abilities as both an actress and singer â€” but not without nuance and intelligence â€” are all things, we feel, with which Fey works really well. I mean in our mind if we couldâ€™ve seen you two work together sooner we would have. But for now, this will have to do: and wouldnâ€™t it be brilliant and fun? A whole new generation of children will grow up knowing your excellence. Itâ€™s not so much as an exciting prospect as it is a necessary one.
Please, ladies: think of the children! And do it, for all of us (and maybe Thackery Binx).