Bette Midler v Ariana Grande? 2014 had some unlikely spats
Dec 31, 2014
As long as there is pop music, there will be massive egos, and where there are massive egos, there are deeply unnecessary fights over who is better at rhyming, dressing or eating a fondue plate somewhere. Here are some of the year’s best.
Taylor Swift v Diplo v Lorde
On November 12, 2014, 36 year-old DJ Diplo finally broke his legendary silence on the topic of Taylor Swift’s butt, tweeting “someone should make a kickstarter to get taylor swift a booty.” When Swift’s pal Lorde responded with “should we do something about your tiny penis while we’re at it him,” Diplo pointed out that Lorde is a “high school student,” which, it must be said, is more of a fact than a burn. The adult man who is pushing 40 continued the online feud with two much younger women by taking time out of his busy schedule as a performer and producer to Photoshop a fake tweet from Taylor and respond to it. He then tweeted “Disappointed the swift boat veterans didn’t get my tiny dick a fundly going (enlarge me bae).” Silent throughout all of this was Diplo’s girlfriend and rumoured Swift mortal enemy, Katy Perry. Perry is thought to be the subject of Swift song Bad Blood, and recently stole three dancers from Swift’s camp mid-tour.
The War On Drugs v Sun Kil Moon
Canada’s capital is a classic location for beefing, as critical darlings The War On Drugs and Sun Kil Moon showed us this year. Their dispute took place during the oddly stacked Ottawa Folk Festival, where the bands were scheduled to play simultaneously on adjacent stages. Apparently, the sound from The War On Drugs’ stage bled into Sun Kil Moon’s performance, leading the band’s Mark Kozelek to record classic diss track, “War On Drugs: Suck My Cock/Sun Kil Moon: Go Fuck Yourself.” After The War On Drugs failed to respond in time to a public challenge by Kozelek to perform that song at an upcoming War On Drugs gig, Kozelek released a second diss track, “Adam Granofsky Blues” (the song is a spoken word recording of Kozelek reading a recent post about the feud by War On Drugs frontman Adam Granduciel). He also told Granduciel, “Maybe when I get home from tour I’ll go to Starbucks and buy your record.” Ouch.
Drake v Diddy, Drake v Jay Z
Drake got punched in the face by the artist formerly known as Puffy outside a Miami night club this year. According to “insiders” “connected” to “the situation,” the beef surrounded a song given to both artists by producer Boi-1da. Allegedly, Diddy hadn’t done anything with the track in months, so Drake went ahead and recorded it on his own, rubbing salt in the wound by ignoring Puff Daddy at the club. Forty-five year-old Sean Combs took matters into his own hands, clocking the Toronto Raptors’ most dedicated fan right in his sensitive face while saying “You’ll never disrespect me again.”
Drake also got in fresh trouble this year with Jay Z, with whom he has a longstanding respectful rivalry. After Rolling Stone interview where Aubrey mocked Jay’s reliance on art references in his lyrics, the two have been trading disses back and forth, with Hov calling Drizzy “soft as a lacrosse team,” and Champagne Papi insinuating that Jay loves fondue. It’s getting very tense. Who knows who will accuse the other of loving yachting next?
Bette Midler v Ariana Grande
Bette Midler was quoted in the Telegraph saying a number of unkind things about tiny sexy pop sensation Ariana Grande, including “You don’t have to make a whore out of yourself to get ahead.” The sentient ponytail and “Problem” singer responded like a classy princess, tweeting: “Bette was always a feminist who stood for women being able to do whatever the F they wanted without judgement! not sure where that Bette went but i want that sexy mermaid back!!! always a fan no matter what my love.” That sexy mermaid did indeed come back, with Midler narrowly avoiding a teen Twitter storm by saying: “About my screed on @arianagrande, all I can say is, “Spoken like a reformed old whore!” and “’Yes, it’s my birthday! And my birthday wish is that @ArianaGrande forgives me soon and let’s me direct her next video”¦”.
U2 v iTunes
In a kind of reverse-Christmas, iTunes dumped U2’s new album Songs Of Innocence on every single one of its customers in 119 countries worldwide. Surprised iTunes users responded with enthusiasm, saying things like “Arrogant and presumptuous!!” “the equivalent to your cat leaving a mouse carcass in your kitchen as a gift” and “no I don’t want the new U2 album take it out of my iTunes.” In response to widespread whining across social media and mainstream media, many sites offered explainers to help us all get rid of it. Bono himself eventually apologized and admitted “a drop of megalomania” was responsible for the terrible plan. Just a drop.
Iggy Azalea v EVERYONE (Azealia Banks, Snoop Dogg, Nicki Minaj, Eminem)
It might be more convenient to list who Australian-born Iggy Azalea WASN’T beefing with this year. From Instagram brawls with Snoop to the recent “Igloo Australia” v Azealia Banks twitter showdown, to an apparently never-ending battle with Nicki Minaj Iggy wasn’t here to make friends. She also beefed with Eminem, although to be fair to Iggy that was less of a beef and more “it’s very uncool to threaten to rape me in your lyrics, you sad old man.” Just look out, girl. If Azealia Banks says she wants to “throw a jar of [her own] piss” at you, she probably will. Things heated up between Iggy and Azealia once again last week, with Azealia releasing a long series of tweets and going on Hot 97 to accuse Iggy of appropriating black culture and denying her white privilege. She’s got a point. Still waiting on that jar of piss, though.