Yahoo Life
Do you and your partner choose the sleep divorce method to add to your marriage survival kit?
By Laura Hampson, Kate Ng and Emma Elms
March 24, 2025
One in six couples say they always sleep in separate beds to their partner, while half have slept in a different bed at some point, according to the research.
Snoring (71%) was the top cause of the sleep separation, followed by fidgeting (35%) and constant waking during the night (30%).
When sleeping in the same bed, 23% of couples said they got less than five hours of undisturbed sleep each night, while 16% said they rarely feel well-rested when sharing a bed.
Several celebrities have spoken out on the benefits of sleeping apart from their partner. Last year, Brian Cox, who has been married to his third wife Nicole Ansari-Cox since 2002, was told The Times that separate bedrooms are the key to a successful marriage. “You visit one another,” he said. “Your partner must feel free.”
Even Bette Midler told Entertainment Tonight that the success of her 40-year marriage is due to sleeping apart. “My husband snores,” she explained. She added they have slept in separate rooms ever since they first got together, adding their relationship had been a “fabulous ride” Bette goes one step farther and has the bedrooms soundproofed. She’s thorough.
Taking the ‘sleep divorce’ concept one step further, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter famously never lived together during their 13-year relationship, instead residing in adjoining houses in Belsize Park. Bonham Carter admitted ‘snoring’ was partly the reason. After their split in 2014, she revealed that her ‘generous’ ex let her keep both houses. Wow!
The way a sleep divorce affects a relationship can be both positive or negative, with some element of risk involved. The main concern from critics is that sleeping in a separate bedroom from your partner can limit the chances for spontaneous sexual intimacy.
Changing our sleeping arrangements could impact our emotional closeness too. “Sharing a bed is an intimate experience, a place where we can be vulnerable,” says psychotherapist Susie Masterson, founder of Ultraliving.uk. “This can lead to intimate conversations, spontaneous demonstrations of affection, and moments of comfort and consolation. Sleeping separately takes away the opportunity for these bonding experiences.”
However, she recognises that “Disrupted sleep and misaligned sleeping patterns can cause rifts in a relationship and lead to feelings of resentment.”
However, in some cases asking to sleep separately could be masking deeper problems in the relationship. “Sometimes a sleep divorce is a manifestation of a breakdown in a relationship or an avoidance of something,” says Masterson. “It can be very easy to justify sleeping apart due to someone snoring but perhaps the real reason for wanting to sleep apart is a growing sense of disconnection between a couple,” she adds.
It’s also worth noting that a sleep divorce isn’t possible for everyone. A lot of people don’t have the luxury of having an extra room to sleep in and, while a sofa is always an option, it’s certainly not a permanent solution.
Is a sleep divorce right for you?
When working with couples, Masterson says, “One of the first questions I ask them is, ‘How is your sleep?’ Sleep deprivation can have a massive impact on our emotional capacity.”
“Ultimately, if sleeping patterns are becoming increasingly disrupted, it’s probably time to consider making some adjustments,” she adds.
To establish if sleeping apart is the right decision, she advises having an honest conversation first. “When contemplating any change in a relationship, it’s important to focus on communication,” says Masterson.
In this case, you’ll need to talk about how you’re going to maintain sexual intimacy if you’re going to sleep apart.
How can you protect your relationship after a sleep divorce?
Like any change, a sleep divorce can be a good opportunity to focus on a relationship and redefine the terms. “It may end up being an opportunity to create a new routine full of intimate rituals,” says Masterson.
“It could mean getting into one bed together once or twice a week, before moving into your different rooms after sex,” she says. “Or it could mean sleeping together only on weekends when there are less external pressures.”
It could end up being a chance to reprioritise sexual intimacy within your relationship and find new ways to make it work around your schedule.
How do you feel about some of these suggestions? Too wild? Or maybe there’s something to it you never thought about?
