Bette Midler: The Saucy Stepford Wife
Ladies Home Journal
By Jeanne Wolf
June 2004
Bette Midler weighs in on trying to have the perfect life — and more.
Divine, After All These years Bette Midler, who just wowed crowds across the
country during her latest concert tour, proves once again, in Stepford, that
she is indeed divine. Whether she’s making us sob in Beaches or cackle
during Ruthless People, her colorful boldness and life-affirming charm make
her riveting to watch. At 58, the Grammy, Tony, Emmy and Golden Globe award winner lives in New York City with her husband of 19 years, Martin von
Haselberg, and their daughter, 17-year-old Sophie.
Q: The Stepford Wives takes a satirical look at women being pressured to be perfect. We’re all surrounded by images of female beauty and perfection. Do
you think that’s tough on women?
Midler: It’s illusion and fantasy, and it’s not really reachable for most
women. On one hand, I kind of enjoy reading about beautiful, perfect people.
It’s a guilty pleasure. But on the other hand, it’s frustrating because so few can really achieve that.
Q: What about watching regular people trying to be flawless on the flood of
TV makeover shows?
Midler: There are so many of them. I think it’s peculiar and horrifying in a Brave New World way. It’s really scary. I think that this movie is a kind of
counterpoint to that, so it’s very timely.
Q: Look at all of you — Nicole, Glenn, Faith — you are all blondes.
Midler: I’ve been a blonde since the early ’80s. Actually, two weeks ago I dyed my hair dark and, oh my God, I couldn’t stand it. I ran screaming into blonde again.
Q: Probably a lot of mothers still wish that their daughters would marry a
handsome prince. What do you dream about for your daughter?
Midler: I don’t believe in that princess dream. It’s a bald-faced lie for
those of us who are lucky enough to live in a time in Western civilization
where you have the freedom to find your way and to live up to your human
potential. Not your female potential or your male potential but your human
potential. People who want a life and career should have it, and those who
want to stay home and have babies should do it. But it’s a waste of a good
education if a woman wants to pursue a career and can’t.
Q: So do you talk to your daughter about finding the right guy?
Midler: I do bug my daughter about getting married because I’d like to have a grandchild before I die. And there are Web sites now where, like, 10
million people search for their first loves. Many of them have dumped their
current spouses and gone back to their first loves. So I said to my daughter, who has a boyfriend, “Why don’t you just marry this guy? In 30 years you’re going to go back to him anyway.”
Q: What makes an ideal husband?
Midler: Oh, someone who’s hilariously funny. Who can cook. Who gives you a lot of money because he’s a fabulous breadwinner. Who doesn’t give you a hard time when you spend too much money. Who’s a brilliant father who adores his children. Who supports you every step of the way. Who’s clean and smells great. Who looks great on your arm. That would be a perfect husband.
Q: Whether your husband matches that or not, the two of you must be doing something right because you’ve been married for almost 20 years. What’s the secret?
Midler: I’m never home. I’m kidding, but I don’t say anything serious about our relationship because you can’t. You’re just flying by the seat of your
pants the whole time, and you don’t really know how it works. All I know is
that we’re still together.
Q: You’ve softened your public persona a little but you’re still outrageous,
and your fans still love you.
Midler: They do! And I really appreciate that. Of course, privately, I
usually turn the volume down a little bit. But I’m not apologizing for being
a little outrageous. Dirty songs and filthy jokes have put my daughter
through private school. It really has been fantastic. When I perform, I can
make my fans feel, “You know what, I’m really okay. She feels like I feel.”
Q: Nicole Kidman said you gave her very good advice about celebrity.
Midler: I told her never to read anything written about her. It is soul-destroying. If you’re going to believe the good, you’re going to believe the bad too, and the bad is so corrosive to your spirit that you should just avoid it altogether. Nicole pretty much does avoid getting caught up in her publicity. Basically, celebrity is living in a bit of a bubble. But it can be a great bubble.
