God Hates Metallica!

Mister D: No, I didn’t write this.

Sydney Star Observer
God Hates Bands
By Phil Scott

A website has come to my attention. American, of course, it’s lovegodsway­ which means ”˜Love God’s way’, not praise the Lord and move from side to side. It’s part of the God Hates Fags affiliate. The site contains an important article, and it is my duty to bring it to your attention.

It heads off with a warning from Donnie Davie, the leader of this group: “One of the most dangerous ways Homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents, please keep careful watch over your children’s listening habits. Some bands are what we like to call Gateway Bands. They lure children in with Pop Grooves and Salacious Melodies and the next thing you know you’ve got a homosexual for a child.

“Below, we highlight the bands that are particularly Gay. Please dissect your child’s CD/iTunes catalog. If you find three or more of these bands in their collection it is time to take action. We strongly recommend that you burn the CDs. Make sure your child is watching. Make sure they feel the heat. They need to know if they continue to listen to these bands they may Burn eternally.”

Donnie is a guitarist himself and milks the opportunity to promote his own band. Donny complains MTV won’t air an interview with him, blaming a pro-Gay Satanist Conspiracy. He’s probably right, because there’s no logical reason why MTV wouldn’t play lame Christian soft rock and talk at length to a paranoid bigot.

Donnie’s list of 120 “gateway Gay” bands and solo artists is extensive.
OK, I’ll go with Rufus Wainwright, Village People, Queen, kd lang, Melissa Etheridge, Boy George, Elton and George Michael. No argument there. But Frank Sinatra? I can’t imagine what it is about the late, great crooner that would inspire a child to turn queer. Unless I Did it My Way refers to a preference for anal intercourse. (“And now the end is near”¦”)

Only one band appears in bold font. Metallica. Dead right. A bigger bunch of pansies I’ve yet to encounter. Every time I go to a gay bar, what is the DJ playing? Metallica without fail. Usually backwards.

But some surprising names are absent. Where are Streisand, Bassey, Midler, and our very own Kylie?

If snooping parents find those names on their son’s CD shelf I guess they can relax. Or else they can say: ”˜Our child is gay.

So if we want a future full of family Christmases, grandchildren and what not, we’d better get up off our knees and start lobbying for same-sex marriage and adoption rights.’

I love how Donnie strongly recommends parents “burn” the offending CDs.
How many copies are they supposed to burn?

Piracy is illegal but stupidity isn’t.