New York Post
12-08-08
The Quilt of Singer Turned Actresses May be Ripping at the Seam
Posted by Ryan Brockington at 12:22 PM on December 7, 2008
A quilt of singer-turned-actresses has been weaved together for centuries in the entertainment industry, but today certain wanna-be film starlets are threatening this crossover institution. Bringing the thread to the table was the unbelievable Doris Day who began singing Big Band in the 1940s and slowly sewed her way into the acting scene thereafter. Filming classics like “Young At Heart” with Frank Sinatra and the amazing Hitchcock film “The Man Who Knew Too Much,” she solidified herself as an icon in Hollywood. Succeeding in sharing her dream to join the acting ranks were women like Cher, Dolly Parton, Bette Midler and the iconic Barbra Streisand; all of which joined the quilting table to sew together this patchwork of brilliance that may be in danger of ripping at the seams.
Cher burst on the scene with stinker hits like “Chastity” and “Mask” but later fine-turned her skills and gifted us with “The Witches of Eastwick” and her super-hit “Moonstruck.” Dolly brought us “9 to 5” and “Steel Magnolias,” classics that will forever stock the DVD shelves of Best Buy (until Tivo takes over the world.) And to not waste room with all of their successful ventures, I will simply say that Bette and Barbara need no lists, they just don’t.
Look, I am the first to point out that Hollywood is a crock of corn chowder. It packages, polishes and makes us watch whatever they want us to. But when did we stop valuing the talent that invades our cinemas every weekend? I get that these new candy pop divas want to branch out like the classics they grew to love. But, some … simply … suck. Don’t believe me, well here is a list to help you understand how these a gals are ripping apart an American tradition.
- Britney Spears. As heartfelt and Oscar-worthy her portrayal of Lucy Wagner was in “Crossroads” (I’m kidding), she better stick to overproduced synthetic pop. A little cameo on “Will & Grace” and “How I Met Your Mother” doesn’t bother me now and again. But she may be OK with the decisions she will make from here on out in the acting scene, we’ll see.
- Madonna. She is defiantly a musician of historic proportions, and as far as acting … 1985’s “Desperately Seeking Susan” wasn’t the best by far, but damn, it sure is a cult classic. Other films that kept Madge sewing her seeds were”Dick Tracy” and “Who’s That Girl,” but I think we can all agree that two words define the future of her theatrical chops … “Swept Away.”
- Beyonce Knowles. “Austin Powers: Goldmember” and “Pink Panther” were cute, but all these movies where you keep playing a singer and want to get nominated for killer acting chops is a joke. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when you act Beyonce … you look like Tootie from “The Facts of Life,” so maybe you should linger around until that gets made into a feature.
- Ashanti. Oh where to start. Her “Coach Carter” and “John Tucker Must Die” performances were like watching after school specials — really really bad ones. You know when stars on are on SNL and you can tell they are reading cue cards? That’s how she rolls all the time. Probably the worst singer on this list, too, there may still be time to go into full-time dancing? Please, please, please, please stop … please.
- Alicia Keys. Urk. Eek. Nerds! This one is tricky. See, Alicia started as an actress, in a small part (as Alicia Cook, her real nom de’plume) on “The Cosby Show” as one of Rudy’s pals. Then, when she grew-all-up she snagged tons of Grammys as the amazing Alicia Keys. Then, with crappy ass roles in “Blazing Aces” and “The Nanny Diaries,” she demonstrated that she should probably not revisit that whole Alicia Cook thing, keep with the Keys sweetie.
Now that the stinkers have cleared the air, let’s take a look at three women that may keep this patchwork of passion alive;
- Jennifer Lopez. Now I love throwing in “The Cell” or “Wedding Planner” on a rainy Sunday, but are they known for their acting … no sir. However, when Jennifer broke onto the scene in “Selena” (taking a page out of the ole’ Beyonce playbook of picking a role close to you own life) she was granted a Golden Globe nod, and she did kill it in the role (wait, wrong wording … eek.) I have to say I enjoy J. Lo much more as an actress (or a hand puppet) than a singer.
- Mandy Moore. Here is another gal I think may be keeping this blanket of Babes in tact. She got all our attention singing about candy, but when she took the sweet role in “A Walk to Remember,” Nikolas Sparks fans everywhere swooned. Snagging a role in the indie favorite “Saved!” and the over-hyped “American Dreams,” she is also one of the few on this list I actually believe when she’s on screen. Not abandoning her music roots, she puts out tunes when the passion hits, but is focusing mainly on a film career.
- Jennifer Hudson. Now we’re talking! I’m not the biggest fan of “Dreamgirls,” but I know a kick ass actress when I see one (and so do the Academy Awards). As you know I hate the whole playing close to home when picking a role ugh Beyonce , in which Hudson half way did in this movie. And yes, she did have a stink-hole of a role in “Sex and the City” but all great film divas need their failures. However, after “The Secret Lives of Bees” and glimpses of her cameo in the upcoming “Winged Creatures” she my be pulling a Bette Midler on us real soon.
Now I haven’t forgotten all those actresses turned singers like Lindsay Lohan and Zooey Deschanel, but it’s easy to spot a crap-chute singer when you hear one (sorry, Lindsay.) But out of all the gals on my list, some have tried and are already fizzled (Britney and Madonna) and some will never get it right (Alicia and Ashanti) but Mandy, Jennifer Hudson and J.Lo may be able to keep this American blanket of women stitched together. As for Beyonce, like one of Doris Day’s last hit singles says, “Move Over, Darlin!”
