Divine Intervention
(lyrics by Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman & Bette Midler
music by Marc Shaiman)
I WAS RIDING WITH THE HOUNDS
Knocking back the doubles
Counting all the ways that I’ve been blessed
I was packing on the pounds
Ignoring all your troubles
Thought I had the chance to get some rest
BUT THEN POW! YOU KEPT TWEETING
AND THEN WOW! YOU KEPT PLEADING
It seems your problems just won’t go away
BUT THEN BAM! YOU KEPT TEXTING
AND SO DAMN! I STOPPED SEXTING
AND NOW HERE I AM TO FINALLY SAVE THE DAY
YES, IT’S TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
YES IT’S TIME
FOR THE DIVINE
TO POINT THE WAY
YES I HEARD YOUR SOS
I’M AWARE OF YOUR DISTRESS
SO BEFORE IT’S TIME TO GO COLLECT MY PENSION
I’LL MAKE TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
I WAS PLANTING EVERY ROSE
I WAS PICKING UP YOUR LITTER
I CANNOT REST TILL EVERY TREE IS TRIMMED
I HAD AUCTIONED OFF MY CLOTHES
I WAS BRUSHING OFF THE GLITTER
THANK GOD THE SPOTLIGHT FINALLY HAD DIMMED
BUT THEN DING!
YOU KEPT TYPING
AND THEN BING!
YOU KEPT SKYPING
I TRIED TO HIDE BUT ALWAYS HIT A SNAG
SO I DROPPED!
MY DEVICES
AND I RAISED!
ALL MY PRICES
AND NOW HERE I AM UNPACKING ALL THE DRAG
YES, IT’S TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
YES IT’S TIME
FOR THE DIVINE
TO POINT THE WAY
YES I’M HERE FOR ALL MANKIND
AND YOU MAY KISS MY RICH BEHIND
AND SOME OTHER PARTS A LADY DOESN’T MENTION
SO IT’S TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
You’re right on time, so let’s begin
So sorry for all of the mess
Before we set the world on fire
I need to decompress
But there’s no time to chat
I didn’t drop in to annoy ya
I’m only here to knock you out
Like Oscar De La Hoya
Yes, it’s time for some divine intervention
WITH A FLASH!, CRASH! FROM THE SKIES
(THESE) ANGELS FELL TO HARMONIZE
EVEN THE DIVINE CAN USE ASSISTANCE
THEN WITH HANDS TO PLAY AND LIPS TO BLOW
(THESE) DEVILS ROSE FROM DOWN BELOW
FELLAS, DROP THE KEY ON “FROM A DISTANCE”!
or I’LL USE ALL I CAN TO GO THE DISTANCE
SO NOW PUT YOUR PHONES AWAY
CAUSE YOU’VE GOTTEN MY ATTENTION
NO MORE TWEETS, THE MESSAGES WERE CLEAR
AND SINCE NECESSITY THEY SAY
IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION
WELL, HERE SHE IS! THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR!
YES, IT’S TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
YES IT’S TIME
FOR THE DIVINE
TO POINT THE WAY
YES, I LIVE FOR YOUR APPLAUSE
I’M A SUCKER FOR A CAUSE
SO TONIGHT, YOUR LUCKY STAR IS IN ASCENSION
YES, IT’S TIME
FOR SOME DIVINE
INTERVENTION!
