“WHAT ARE YOUR MEASUREMENTS”

6-10-2015 2-53-53 PM

“What are your measurements ” – it slipped out like a belch after a gassy meal. I didn’t know I’d done it until I’d done it – if you see what I mean.

Silence.

Annie Ivil, who was flitting about the room stopped – looked at me, and looked at Bette”¦ Who looked at Annie, and then looked at me.
Like magic her whole appearance changed. The face, which, as I said before, looked ugly, suddenly remodelled itself. Muscles began to work; her eyes opened wide, and her lips spread, and she crossed her legs, and lounged back, hands behind her head.

“WHAT”¦ MY BOY? WHAT?”

“Uhmmm, your measurements. What are your measurements?”

“I’m embarrassed,” said Annie Ivil. “I’m not going to look.”

Bette was curling, and snaking into another pose. Now SHE was not embarrassed. I WAS. SHE knew that.

” I’m 40”¦ (long pause) ”¦22”¦ (longer pause) ”¦.36.”

She didn’t say anything else, but preened herself like a peacock, as much as to say, ” Howz that boysie, yer satisfied?”
I was.

“But I’m only 2ft 5in. high,” she continued, and burst into laughter.

Atmosphere broken. (Musical Express, 1973)

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