10 most trashtastic reality TV moments of ’09

10 most trashtastic reality TV moments of ’09
By Jethro Nededog | December 26, 2009 2:18 PM

It’s that time of the year for countless “best of TV” lists. As expected, they’re full of choices that make their writers seem intelligent and high-minded. At times, we feel like those lists are virtually interchangeable.

Where are the TV moments that really entertained us? Those embarrassing nuggets, which enter the popular lexicon, sell tabloids and show us just how dysfunctionally awesome we all are. Who needs “high-minded”?

Here are our picks for 2009’s most deliciously trashtastic moments from reality TV:

10.) Heidi Pratt goes off the pill!, “The Hills”
Just when we thought Speidi couldn’t get any worse – what with her looking more and more like Barbie and him growing that creepy flesh-colored beard – they surprise us. After finding out that Spencer didn’t want kids anytime soon, Heidi decided to fall back on her greatest skill: Lying.

9.) Kathy Griffin shocks the Divine Miss M, “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List”
In recent years, Kathy has been slowly moving up the list. So, what does a gal on the rise do? She finds mentors from the “A list.” In the season premiere, Kathy gets a chance to appear on stage with Bette Midler and all she has to do is say one funny line. What does she end up saying? Hint: It’s the same one that almost cost her this year’s New Year’s gig with Anderson Cooper.

8.) Kara Dioguardi vs. Bikini Girl, “American Idol”
This feud had been brewing ever since the auditions when a bikini clad Katrina Darrell challenged newbie judge Kara to a sing-off. Of course, we thought it was awesome that she just did it (something Paula Abdul was never brave enough to do with out a backup track). During the finale, though, they took it to a whole new level. We’ll never look at Kara the same again.

7.) Stephen Baldwin baptizes Spencer Pratt, “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”
Talk about the blind leading the blind. Newly born-again Stephen decides to cleanse Spencer of his sins after they bond over some Christian juju. We think someone up there was listening, because soon after, Speidi went home. Thank you, Jesus.

6.) Jason Mesnick dumps Melissa Rycroft, “The Bachelor”
We were shocked that Jason was chosen to be the bachelor. Were we the only ones who thought he had “crazy eyes” (very similar to those of a certain diabolical killer)? But even with all that crazy in his stare, we didn’t think Jason would be capable of dumping Melissa on the air. But as we learned, the crazy runs deep.

5.) Jon and Kate Gosselin announce their separation, “Jon & Kate Plus 8”
Sure, we all picked a side after the announcement, but for several seasons before that we joined Jon and Kate in their denial that the marriage was falling apart. Who cared about them any way? It was all about seeing the cute, freaky multiples through every minute detail of their existence. After the announcement, all hell broke loose. Suddenly (despite what Jon and Kate said), it was no longer about the kids.

4.) Snooki gets punched, “Jersey Shore”
Yes, this is a late entry. In less than five episodes, “Jersey Shore” has become the talk of the nation. Even while MTV pulled the footage from the episode, everyone saw Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi get clocked by a guy! And it wasn’t any ordinary punch. It was a major fist pump. We’re sorry, It just had to make the list.

3.) Whore Pit Vipers, “Celebrity Apprentice”
This is the first of our top 3, because they just became part of our daily lives. We’re not sure that we can write anything that gives this scene any justice. Melissa Rivers coined the phrase and quickly hobbled out the door. Then, Joan took the trash out. We’re not sure Annie Duke and Brande Roderick, the “whore pit vipers” in question, ever stood a chance.

2.) Prostitution Whore, “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”
Again, for weeks after this scene aired, we couldn’t get through one day without hearing the phrase or using it ourselves. It’s surprisingly utilitarian! The best part of this scene is the anatomy of Teresa’s blow up. Her eyes go totally blank for a few seconds and then, Kaboom!

1.) Who gonna check me, boo?, “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”
We thought “prostitution whore” was useful, but hands down, Sheree Whitfield earned the #1 spot for not only holding her own in this argument with a party planner who done lost his mind, but also for creating a phrase that can be used for almost any occasion: When someone has offended you, when you need something done, or when you’re just joking around with friends. This scene takes our girl from the boardroom to the ghetto at breakneck speed.